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Title: I'm Okay...You're a Brat: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You from the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood by Susan, Ph.D. Jeffers ISBN: 1-58063-202-5 Publisher: Renaissance Books Pub. Date: 01 July, 2001 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 3.51 (35 reviews)
Rating: 3
Summary: Lots of problems, not enough solutions
Comment: I checked this book out because I was curious as to how Susan Jeffers, whose book _End_the_Struggle,_Dance_with_Life_, I loved, could write something with such a horrible-sounding title.
I was surprised to find that I could appreciate a lot of what _Brat_ has to say. She explains why it is inevitable that parents will be incredibly stressed out, not through any fault of their own but just because children have so many needs which their parents have to meet regardless of how busy or exhausted they are. This is a message I could have used in the first six months of motherhood, when I felt guilty about secretly wanting to get away from my baby for a month or so, despite loving him with all my heart.
_Brat_ goes into extensive detail about the challenges of childrearing, and for that reason I would recommend it to people who are trying to make the parenting decision--especially those who have no compelling desire to have kids but are being pressured by others. However, this focus on the difficulties of parenting also can be pretty depressing to those of us who are parents. After being reminded of the inevitable losses that being a parent brings, I was starting to feel resentful of my 2-year-old son--though fortunately I was soon able to quash that by focussing on the good things that motherhood has brought. I wish that Jeffers had given much more information to help those of us who already are parents cope, rather than just a brief "survival guide" which appears as an addendum at the end of the book. While I agree with some of her suggestions (get fathers more involved, get a life outside of raising your kids), I find that her suggestion that employment outside the home is better than stay-at-home motherhood is overly simplistic. If, as she alleges, SAHM's can't get out because it is too difficult to gather up the baby's stuff and get baby dressed, how is it possible for her to do so to cart the baby off to daycare on the way to work? If caring for one child is too exhausting to cope with for any period of time (over an hour she suggests at one point!) why does she not have even more concern about daycare employees coping with a number of children all day? If SAHM's have "no" time for their own interests or even to wash their hair, how will adding the responsibilities of full-time employment help? I was also concerned that she sometimes claims that some children are inherently "bad". This kind of thinking does not lend itself to finding constructive solutions to problems with a child's behaviour. And what does it do to a child to be written off like this by hir own parent? For coping with the challenges of parenting, I have found the following books helpful: Parenting the Fussy Baby and High Needs Child by Martha and William Sears (check out chapter on avoiding burnout), Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, and All Mothers Work by Cindy Ramming (on the pros and cons of being a SAHM, and how to cope with SAHMhood if that is what's right for you).
Rating: 5
Summary: This book is a life-saver!
Comment: For those of us who have struggled and felt incredible guilt for our negative feelings about parenthood, at last, we realize that we are not alone, nor are we bad, we are just human. Yes, this book tells the downside about parenting. As Dr. Jeffers states at the beginning of the book, that was its purpose. There is already too much out there telling us that becoming a parent is the most "fulfilling" thing we can do in life. For some of us, this is true. But for some of us, this simply is not true.
The author describes what changes occur in your life once a child is born. She is absolutely right on that score. And for some of us, it isn't a pretty sight. For would-be parents, this is a God-send, and for those of us already in the fray it is reassuring to know that we aren't crazy for wondering where our adult life went.
What I was most impressed with was her talking about the "mad myths of parenthood" and the guilt-gurus who do their best to make us feel guilty. It all makes so much sense. By the way, this book should definitely be read by men as the author points out how sexist the world is when it comes to men and their children. It also reaffirms how important men are to the lives of their children.
I closed the book realizing how much we are brainwashed about the ideas of parenthood and how important it is to think for ourselves. I also came away feeling that my children have their own course, their own calling, and that, while it was important for me to do my best to give them loving care (whatever that means for each of us), I must let go of the outcome. There are so many factors that affect them body, mind and soul. We all have to learn what those factors are and get involved in helping society move toward a more loving place.
For anyone out there thinking about having a child or wanting to remain childfree, this book is a must. For those of us who already have children, it is a ray of hope and a source of peace of mind.
Rating: 4
Summary: Excellent book to help with the baby or not decision
Comment: I am deciding if i am ready to have children or even if i want to have children.
I was hooked after the first few pages. I doubt that all these issues relate to every parent but i don't doubt that every parent will have experienced certain parts of this book for themselves.
Thank goodness i was able to read this book while i am still in the decision making phase. It does come across as quite negative but there are any number of books skewed towards the positive. I believe you have to take it all on board and use what you can. I read it in tandem with Baby Daze by Erina Reddin which i loved. Read the two together and i think you might have a reasonably realistic veiw of what can be expected, or at least several points of view to mull over
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Title: The Parenthood Decision: Deciding Whether You Are Ready and Willing to Become a Parent by Beverly Engel ISBN: 0385489803 Publisher: Main Street Books Pub. Date: 01 June, 1998 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It by Susan Maushart ISBN: 0140291784 Publisher: Penguin Books Pub. Date: 01 May, 2000 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: Do I Want to Be A Mom? : A Woman's Guide to the Decision of a Lifetime by Diana L. Dell, Suzan Erem ISBN: 0071400745 Publisher: McGraw-Hill Pub. Date: 19 September, 2003 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: The Childless Revolution: What It Means to Be Childless Today by Madelyn Cain ISBN: 0738206741 Publisher: Perseus Books Group Pub. Date: 02 April, 2002 List Price(USD): $15.00 |
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Title: Why Don't You Have Kids?: Living a Full Life Without Parenthood by Leslie Lafayette ISBN: 082174853X Publisher: Kensington Books Pub. Date: 01 March, 1995 List Price(USD): $20.00 |
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