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Title: Bradshaw on : The Family: A New Way of Creating Solid-Self Esteem by John Bradshaw ISBN: 1-55874-427-4 Publisher: Health Communications Pub. Date: 01 November, 1996 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $10.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 3.9 (10 reviews)
Rating: 4
Summary: A real eye-opener
Comment: This books has been incredibly helpful for me, an adult child of an alcoholic. I read it several years ago when a friend told me that my Dad was an alcoholic. My family always denied the truth, but after reading this book, I could no longer pretend that all was well in my family of origin. This book is very insightful and describes the intricacies of the relationships that exist in both functional and dysfunctional families. It's a great first step in discovering the underlying motivations for compulsive/obsessive behaviors that many of us exhibit.
Rating: 3
Summary: Book (good in parts) about The Family as an emotional SYSTEM
Comment: The central idea of Bradshaw's book is an interesting one: that in recent decades, psychological research has begun to focus on seeing the family as an emotional system, and that one can't just study an individual's psychological difficulties without seeing his or her role in the family & the family's interactions. Families each have their own unique culture which creates an emotional environment that children learn from & absorb. People growing up in healthy families become mature healthy people, who have their own identity & have a healthy separation from their family; they have learned that they are free to feel what they feel and express it even if it goes against the family "script," roles, or views. If there are disagreements, then people fight fairly, with nobody is trying to manipulate each other or use each other to satisfy unmet emotional needs.
Bradshaw then looks at the dynamics in dysfunctional families. He examines, in turn, families with alcoholics, families who are physically or emotionally abusive, and those that are co-dependent. These families may have problems with enmeshment, guilt, control, shame, family secrets, continuous fighting or no fighting because "wrong" emotions are forbidden. He highlights the fact that dysfunctional families often have dysfunctional kids, who then seek out, find, and marry other dysfunctional people (since they act in a familiar, though dysfunctional, way). In this way, certain family problems such as alcoholism, violence, and so on can be handed down across generations. Because of this, one should examine one's problems in the context of one's family, and always look for the "problem behind the problem" (i.e. ask what drives one to drink? Rather than just address alcoholism as an addiction). Bradshaw goes on to give a 12-step plan for recovery to escape this pattern. The 12-step program he outlines mimics the one that Alcoholics Anonymous uses (Bradshaw is himself a recovering alcoholic).
Overall, I found the book to have several pluses and minuses. On the plus side, I thoroughly enjoyed the first third of the book, which laid out the main idea that the family must be understood as a system. The rest of the book amplifies and repeats the ideas in the first third, then goes into detail about the dynamics in various dysfunctional families & recovery. These details seemed to be somewhat similar, redundant, and somewhat obvious, though they will probably resonate with those stuck in those particular situations. Next, one slightly annoying technique that Bradshaw uses is that he often spells out a phrase, then use each letter in that phrase to write a paragraph about a related idea (for example, F.A.M.I.L.Y => F=Feedback loops are important...; A=Autonomy is key...; M=Marriage is a chief Component of families....etc.). Also, Bradshaw seems to emphasize that "shame" is the root cause of almost every problem he describes; I thought that this oversimplifies the issues involved. Finally, the book seems (and is, I suppose) geared towards a mass audience, so it's not a deep psychological text and at times it seems to have some "pop psychology" elements. But as I said before, I thought the first third of the book was good & worth reading, since it covers the main ideas. The rest of the book, about recovery & specific situations of abuse, can be skimmed or read in depth if one particular family situation applies to you.
Rating: 4
Summary: Work It
Comment: This is a book that will change your life, if you work it, are open to it, and are ready to "look" at yourself. I have read many of Bradshaw's as well as others, and the first time I picked this up, I thought, "yeah, I know what he's going to say". But when my therapist suggested I re-read it, because I was already journaling, doing dream interpretations, etc... it held a new facsination for me. I could relate in a way I never did the first time. Everything in time, I guess. Give it a try, if you already know that life isn't perfect, parent's aren't perfect, and you can give yourself a big break, and start living the life you deserve! Happy searching!
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Title: Healing the Shame That Binds You by John E. Bradshaw ISBN: 0932194869 Publisher: Health Communications Pub. Date: 01 October, 1988 List Price(USD): $9.95 |
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Title: Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw ISBN: 0553353896 Publisher: Bantam Books Pub. Date: 01 March, 1992 List Price(USD): $17.00 |
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Title: Family Secrets: The Path to Self-Acceptance and Reunion by John Bradshaw ISBN: 0553374982 Publisher: Bantam Books Pub. Date: 01 May, 1996 List Price(USD): $16.00 |
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Title: Creating Love/the Next Great Stage of Growth by John Bradshaw ISBN: 0553373056 Publisher: Bantam Books Pub. Date: 01 February, 1994 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
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Title: Healing the Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by Charles L. Whitfield ISBN: 0932194400 Publisher: Health Communications Pub. Date: 01 January, 1989 List Price(USD): $8.95 |
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