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Title: In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People by George K., Jr. Simon ISBN: 0-9651696-0-X Publisher: A.J. Christopher Pub. Date: December, 1996 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.39 (18 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Worth More Than Months of Therapy!
Comment: This book is an excellent tool for anyone manipulated by a covert aggressive personality... I never knew there was a model for this personality type! This is an excellent book for all to read, should you ever come across a covert manipulative personality that stops at nothing to get what they want, yet somehow makes it look like it's not them. They're not hurting, stressed out or insecure, they're just going to get things the way they want! The person I dealt with is dangerous! I almost think she's capable of doing anything to get her way. Thank you, Mr. Simon, for giving me back my mental health and a reference tool to use in the future! You've done a great service! I wish I had read the book earlier!
Rating: 5
Summary: I Needed This Book Years Ago
Comment: Covert aggressive personality model-I never knew this type of personality existed until I was in the way of what it wanted! This book so clearly describes all of the manipulative tactics this personality uses to gain control of what they want (and if you're in their way-watch out!). The book helps you identify your own weaknesses that this personality will try to exploit, and how not to play into their hands-for that's where a lot of the manipulation occurs. The person I experienced would stop at nothing to get her way. Yet, gained the sympathy of others, and had them do her dirty work for her. This is a practical guide for how to recognize and handle this type of person, and believe me, it's not easy. The book helps change any naive views you may have about the core of some people's nature. I found the knowledge I gained from the book empowering for understanding how the covert personality ticks, and ways to handle them. This book educates you to give up the notion that all people are insecure. Some just use that as a ploy to get their way. The person I dealt with used all of the manipulative ploys, and was convincing to others. I wish I had known about this book while I was dealing with this personality type! Educate yourself, as there are people who seem so sweet, yet use all their relationships to gain their own power and control. And if they do get caught, have all of the excuses! The scary part is they stop at nothing to gain control, yet do it in such an underhanded way that even the people who sympathize with them often don't realize that they are simply being used!
Rating: 5
Summary: Best book for the layperson on this topic
Comment: Written by someone who doesn't pass the blame, Simon tells it like it is. He puts the responsibility for abusive behavior squarely on the shoulders of the perpetrator. Controlling, manipulative people are free to make choices, but they choose narcissistic processes and outcomes. We must stop excusing their bad behavior and confront it.
Simon says (!) his readers have to take responsibility for their own lives; since they aren't likely to change their perpetrators' behaviors; victims must change the pattern of interaction with perpetrators---and that's the key.
His suggestions aren't just off-the-cuff remarks. They work! For instance, have you ever noticed how hard it is to think of what to say in the moment? How easily we can think of a perfect retort after the moment has passed? Simon's simple suggestion to say, "Will you please repeat that?" works wonders. It's just the break one needs to collect thoughts. Simultaneously, it throws the perpetrator off-base. They don't want to repeat themselves, particularly now that others might be listening more closely. Insults never come out the second time with the same conviction. Next, we're advised to repeat back the insult, such as, "You feel I am _____. Do I understand you correctly?" Being certain you understand the intentions of alleged perpetrators is important. Authors like Patricia Evans (Controlling People) see insults at every turn, her perpetrators typically being stereotypical men or "mothers". Sometimes words don't come out as intended. We don't need to do battle with those we misunderstand.
Once you grasp the accusation and have gathered enough facts to assess the situation, Simon advises you offer the perpetrator the option of taking the discussion into a more private session. It's easier to settle differences when not performing before an audience.
He goes futher with terrific insights and suggestions, but buy the book. It's the most helpful one I've ever read on the topic (and out of misery and desperation, I've read reams). I grew up in the home of a woman who made it clear to me she didn't love me; I walked into a horrendously abusive relationship right out of high school, then I moved on to a controlling husband for the past two decades. For the first time in my life, I understand why I perceive people are "always taking advantage of me". I've let them. Since I've been speaking up, I feel empowered and alive. This book saved my perspective, if not my life, without encouraging me to swing the pendulum too far in the opposite direction.
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Title: Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward, Donna Frazier ISBN: 0060928972 Publisher: Quill Pub. Date: 01 April, 1998 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
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Title: Emotional Vampires: Dealing With People Who Drain You Dry by Albert, Ph.D. Bernstein, Albert J. Bernstein ISBN: 0071381678 Publisher: McGraw-Hill Trade Pub. Date: March, 2002 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: LIVING WITH THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN by Scott Wetzler ISBN: 0671870742 Publisher: Fireside Pub. Date: 01 October, 1993 List Price(USD): $12.00 |
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Title: Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans ISBN: 158062569X Publisher: Adams Media Corporation Pub. Date: January, 2002 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn C. Collins ISBN: 0809229145 Publisher: McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books Pub. Date: 11 March, 1998 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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