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Title: Sexuality, Relationships and Spiritual Growth by Agnes Ghaznavi ISBN: 0-85398-382-8 Publisher: George Ronald Pub. Date: February, 1995 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $12.95

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Average Customer Rating: 5 (1 review)

Rating: 5
Summary: we should all read this book
Comment: How many parents of teenagers would like their child to be a virgin on marriage? Is such a thought even possible in today's world? We do occasionally hear about individuals or groups who have somehow retained their chastity, but at what price? This book is about helping our teenagers develop old-fashioned, healthy relationships and coming out better people for the experience because of their personal growth and the enrichment they can bring to their relationships. This book is about the new qualities being woven into intimate bonds between men and women, while upholding standards of chastity in the belief that chastity will permit people to associate more freely and with greater creativity in relationships. Although this is a field where there are no quick-fix solutions, Ghaznavi believes that the Bahai faith offers the most beautiful recipe we can find today for this complicated area of growth and sexual needs. And she does not just pretend that the needs do not exist but meets them head on - hers is not a philosophy of suppression of the sex impulse and sweeping under the carpet but self-discipline, regulation and control.

Chapter 1 touches on the lives of several married couples, at least one of whose relationship may ring a bell, because they are unwilling or unable to come to terms with the shortcomings of the relationship that slowly evolves. You cannot have your cake and eat it too in a marriage relationship because after the initial glow wears off, you cannot experience joy without growth and pain; happiness is a quickly disappearing commodity unless sustained by durable, spiritual foundations. This, of course, is not a popular notion to a person who sees sexuality as a right or a matter-of-fact accompaniment to life and a source of never-ending pleasure. With our over-exaggeration of the importance of physical love, accompanied by a dearth of spiritual values, it is very difficult for a relationship to grow and evolve in a healthy, long-lasting manner. Man was made for woman and each complements the other. If one is defective, the other will be incomplete and the couple cannot attain perfection. As the author is a psychiatrist many cases are referred to her when the relationship has deteriorated to the point where marriage is considered to have been a mistake and divorce or even suicide is contemplated. All too often we live the life expected of us by a parent or society or the norm of the group we associate with; we are not living the way that provides a deep-down satisfying relationship to us which is what marriage is supposed to be. Women and men must understand each other and coordinate and advance in harmony.

Having set the scene of what can so easily go wrong, the author next explores the qualities and attitudes necessary in a relationship where equality, friendship, respect and esteem take highest place. The lack of true friendship between marriage partners is one of the reasons marriages go stale, peter off into unfaithfulness, break up in a crisis or wither slowly. But the shortcomings of the parents quickly filter through to the children who are very much aware of a deteriorating parental relationship however much the parents may think they are hiding it. As children grow older and enter puberty and adolescence the necessity for friendship becomes even more evident. During this stage of the family many couples become aware of an immense gap in their relationship that can very often be spelled out as an absence of friendship. Thus it is important to maintain and consciously deepen friendship as children grow. During the children's adolescence, the prevalent tendency for couples to separate and divorce will exert a powerful influence. So often our youth get into a sexual relationship, not because they have a deep urge to satisfy but as an escape from parental shortcomings.

At this point the author is ready to talk about chastity and the double standard that we perpetrate through education. Men receive instruction on how to conquer women while women receive instruction on subduing their eroticism, keeping pure and safeguarding themselves from male lust - with the corresponding neuroses. Here I found it strange that the Bahai religion has had such a deep influence on the author and that it should be so specific about relationships and sex. In the Bible we have the Ten Commandments and St. Paul's very male oriented view of relationships but very little more. In contrast the Bahai writings are full of guidance such as chastity "implies both before and after marriage an unsullied, chaste sex life. Before marriage absolutely chaste, after marriage absolutely faithful to one's chosen companion. Faithful in all sexual acts, faithful in word and in deed". The author clearly shows her Bahai background when she says "Chastity, in this sense, is a life- and society-saving divine measure, although it is difficult to put into practice for people whose background is a society ably wielding the double standard. Through this vision, though, Bahais the world over are joyously making efforts to uphold this new value and to hand it over to their children as a boon for the generations to come. In this way new foundations for society will slowly be raised and will yield the fruits of happier marriages."

This is a book we should all read. If that initial glow has mellowed, supposedly because of work stress or raising children, that may be the first sign that you need this book. If you have a teenage child and want him or her to run against the norms of their group this book will help you give the right advice. If you are a person who deep down believes in those old-fashioned values but find it terribly difficult to fight the battle alone, you will find this book invaluable.