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Title: His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley Jr. ISBN: 0-8007-1788-0 Publisher: Fleming H Revell Co Pub. Date: March, 2001 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $19.99 |
Average Customer Rating: 3.88 (88 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Everybody who cares about relationships should read this .
Comment: I got this book from a friend and most of it i was very aware of anyway. But never had anyone to tell me or my wife . Now that we both have read it and both agree what we were doing wrong , our marriage has taken off like a sky rocket . We now communicate much better , have greater love and sex with each other . Men cheat a good woman out of a good marriage and women do the same to a good man. Men and women are different , but pleasing each other is easy indeed for most people. Everyone wants a good loving, fullfilliing , and wonderful marriage or a great romance . These basic concepts of understanding make a difference of night and day. AS wonderful as my wife was she was not making me happy, nor i making her happy.Now we openly talk about what and how to make each other happy , in all aspects of our marriage. Age and 28 years of marriage has changed both of us . But now we act totally different toward each other. I truely feel we may just stay together til our death. And be happy doing it. So men please understand all of your wifes needs and try to meet them the best you can. Women if you love your husband try to do the same thing. It will make a big difference in your happiness.And remember every man is different than the next guy. And everywomen is different from the next gal. Don't take anything for granted. Don't listen to gossip from any source. Talk about your needs , each being different and special . I have seen men cheat on their wives and this broke her heart . This could have been avoided if they just talked about each others needs and tried to fullfill them. Many women are unhappy in their marriage, and the husband has now idea why. Open up your brains and hearts if you want your marriage to last. If you don't , divorce is very expensive and you detroy each other so badly. Many 30 year marriages could have been 60 year marriages. I recommend reading this book to any adult male or female .
Rating: 2
Summary: Sometimes accurate, but plays into some damaging stereotypes
Comment: During the early part of the book, I was pretty impressed with Mr. Harley's insights. As I continued, however, I became dismayed at some of his advice. While I understand that his assessments don't apply to everyone, I was appalled to read his recommendation for women to be willing to consider plastic surgery if it pleased their husbands. The list goes on: In one particular case, he advised a male patient that his love for a woman couldn't be real, since she was overweight, homely and had six kids. He appeared to agree with a husband who told his wife that, if she didn't lose weight, he would divorce her. What is this, the Jerry Springer Show?!? The clear message throughout this chapter was clear: Better keep wearing the makeup, ladies, or your husband is going to find someone who does! What a shallow, childish, unprofessional message for an experienced counselor to give to people!
In one chapter, he told men that their working wives want to be able to pay bills with his income, and keep theirs for spending money -- if they have to use their income for bills, they don't feel "taken care of" and resent their husband. He also stated that the wives who work don't want to. Therefore, he recommended that couples cut back on their lifestyle, regardless of their dual income, so that they could live on one income. In one scenario, he even outlined a plan where a couple could pay rent and utilities with $200 a month!
Finally, I was annoyed by how he focuses entirely on the avoidance of affairs in his book. While I understand that many marriages have to contend with this issue at one time or another, I was hoping that the book would focus on how to maintain a healthy marriage for a variety of reasons, INCLUDING the avoidance of affairs. I don't want to keep my husband happy simply so that he won't sleep with other women, but because I care about him, want him to care about me too, and want to have a fulfilling and close relationship with him.
I bought this book because my husband and I are having a great deal of problems communicating. We've been together for 10 years, and neither of us have ever strayed despite many problems. While that doesn't guarantee that we won't cheat, I was hoping to find a book that helps me find something positive in my relationship, not merely avoid something negative. By perpetuating the insecurities that many women have concerning their looks, and encouraging women to be financially dependent on men in an age where couples are learning to depend on each other and move away from sexist stereotypes, he is moving the institution of marriage backwards, to a day where more people may have stayed married, but it was because they felt trapped (financially or otherwise), or felt as if they didn't have many options.
Today, many people don't want a marriage from the "good old days." We want a modern marriage that works, while still respecting that woman don't have to be housewives who run into the bathroom at 4:30 p.m. to curl her hair before her husband comes home. I want a marriage where I look nice because I enjoy it, not because I have to, and where my husband won't leave me if I put on 20 lbs. Get real, Mr. Harley!!
Rating: 5
Summary: A Potential MARRIAGE-SAVER
Comment: A stroll through the swamp of not-so-helpful relationship books on the market today will reveal to the savvy reader this book's wisdom and value.
Husbands and wives both need to feel affirmed in their needs and feelings -- this book offers that affirmation.
Husbands and wives both need to learn about the extremely DIFFERENT set of needs his or her spouse has -- this book offers that information.
This isn't a "feel-good, all about me" book. This is a powerful, "don't be afraid to admit your needs and don't be afraid to learn how to meet your spouse's" book.
This book is, in a word, incredible. While laying before the reader the five most important needs of men and women, the author is also careful to point out that there is no "mold" from which we were all cast, and his book in no way attempts to squeeze the reader into such a mold. The point is DISCOVERING what our needs are (Mr. Harley helps the reader to accomplish this) and moving on from there.
Staying happily married takes effort and commitment. With this book in hand, a committed couple will have a powerful tool with which to move forward past the rough spots (we all have them) and toward a better understanding and deeper appreciation of each other.
I highly recommend this book.
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Jill Schafer Boehme, Author of MY LIMA BEANS ARE ALLERGIC TO MY SPOON and Editor of MOMMY! The Internet Lifeline for At-home Moms (a free Ezine)
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Title: Love Busters: Overcoming Habits That Destroy Romantic Love by Willard F., Jr. Harley ISBN: 0800718070 Publisher: Fleming H Revell Co Pub. Date: January, 2002 List Price(USD): $19.99 |
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Title: Five Steps to Romantic Love: A Workbook for Readers of Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs by Willard F., Jr. Harley ISBN: 0800758234 Publisher: Fleming H Revell Co Pub. Date: August, 2002 List Price(USD): $14.99 |
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Title: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman ISBN: 1881273156 Publisher: Northfield Pub Pub. Date: October, 1992 List Price(USD): $12.99 |
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Title: Fall in Love, Stay in Love by Willard F. Harley Jr. ISBN: 0800717937 Publisher: Fleming H Revell Co Pub. Date: September, 2001 List Price(USD): $18.99 |
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Title: Surviving an Affair by Willard F. Harley Jr., Jennifer Harley Chalmers ISBN: 0800717589 Publisher: Fleming H Revell Co Pub. Date: October, 1998 List Price(USD): $19.99 |
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