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Title: The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce by Judith S. Wallerstein, Julia M. Lewis, Sandra Blakeslee, Julia Lewis ISBN: 0-7868-6394-3 Publisher: Hyperion Press Pub. Date: 06 September, 2000 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $24.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.18 (65 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Phenomenal!!
Comment: Like many others who have read this book, I always wondered what was wrong with me. I connected with this book and was in tears by the end of the first page. I finally had answers for the reasons that I did so many of the things that I did to sabotage relationships. This is an honest look at how my parents divorce 27 years ago is still affecting me, and my relationships with others.
I agree with other reviews that have stated the demographics of the test group are skewed, but as someone who grew up in this affluent area of California, it made my connection to the book even stronger.
I also agree that not all children are as negatively affected as the book states, but there are always exceptions to the rule, and I think that this book takes a look at how the majority of children are affected.
It may not be the most scientific study on the subject, but it is fabulous in what it does offer. I highly suggest it as a must read for any child of divorce, and as a guide for their parents to help them overcome some of the negative psychological effects of divorce which affect the majority of children.
Rating: 2
Summary: "Intact" vs "Broken"
Comment: As a 26 year old woman who is the "child of divorce" I read this book only to confirm how wrong a book that tries to lump a group of people into a mold can be. I have always resented the notion that my family was somehow "broken" just because I did not have two parents living together. My family was "fixed" -- as soon as my father moved out of the house.
The study was necessarily lopsided, in that it followed "children of divorce" throughout their childhood and adulthood, but only took a fleeting look at two-parent children, who were asked to describe their childhood from memory--necessarily different than a first hand account from a five year old. There was no real way for the author to find out "what would have happened" i.e. had the divorced parents stayed together, but there was no effort to thoroughly study the effects of bad marriage, either. From personal experience, my two-parent peers growing up were neither more or less balanced than I was, and the fact that one of my parents should never have had children would have been a factor whether or not he was living in the same house as my mother, who fortunately "made up" for the "lack."
My boyfriend, who comes from a two-parent, and acoholic, family, exhibits most of the traits that this book ascribes to me, while I lack them. That is not to say that my experience as a "child of divorce" was not the same as other "children of divorce", but that my worldview and personality were not necessarily shaped by the fact that my parents divorced when I was 5.
Rating: 5
Summary: Important for EVERYONE - schools, parents, judges, kids
Comment: I stumbled upon this book while doing research for a paper I was writing about the advantages and disadvantages of single parenting. So many people quoted this book that I decided to buy it and read it for myself. It came yesterday and once I opened it, I could not put it down and read the entire thing in one evening. The book has been criticed as unscientific because it only followed about 100 people for the full 25 years of the study. However, I'm 25 now, and I can safely say that the book was right on target with absolutely everything. Wallerstein described her findings of following children from divorced families from the time of divorce through their adulthood - a full 25 years! I never thought I was affected by the divorce of my own parents - just really accepted my reality as quite normal. I identified with each section of the book and was shocked to find myself crying on many pages. Most psychological studies use statistics and questionaires withe check-boxes to compile data. Wallerstein got to actually KNOW each child/adult and was able to share their experiences with the world. Usually, I find "self-help" books to be corny, and not really useful in any way. This book was definitely not a self-help book. It is written with several audiences in mind. Any parent contemplating a divorce should read it. Period. If they do get divorced, they will have a MUCH better understanding of how it might affect their children and will therefore have a basis for mitigating those problems. ALL adult children of divorce shoudl read it. We've got a nation of 20-and30-somethings that are figuring out that they all have strange quirks when it comes to life and relationships, and can't imagine the connection to thier parents. This book goes a long way in explaining those things, and showing several "happy-ending" stories that came from rough starts. Anyone working in the legal profession (lawyers, judges, mediators, spouses) should read it because this book is written mostly for one purpose: to describe how divorce affects the CHILD in the long-term. Despite my own personal experiences, I was surprised to learn how much could be accomplished that benefits children (in the short and long-term) if the people in the legal system just had a deeper understanding of the effects of their actions. Finally, anyone married or seriously invovled with a person whose parents were divorced shoudl read this book to understand "where they're coming from". Only then, when tiny issues and larger issues are recognized, can they be dealt with. As I said, I'm not a particulary troubled person by any means, but this book was helpful beyond what I could have imagined- despite the other great reviews on this site!
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Title: What About the Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce by Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee ISBN: 0786868651 Publisher: Hyperion Pub. Date: 12 March, 2003 List Price(USD): $23.95 |
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Title: The Good Marriage : How & Why Love Lasts by Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee ISBN: 0446672483 Publisher: Warner Books Pub. Date: 01 October, 1996 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Surviving the Breakup: How Children and Parents Cope With Divorce by Judith S. Wallerstein, Joan Berlin Kelly ISBN: 0465083455 Publisher: Basic Books Pub. Date: 01 September, 1996 List Price(USD): $17.00 |
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Title: Second Chances: Men, Women, and Children a Decade After Divorce by Judith S. Wallerstein, Sandra Blakeslee ISBN: 0395735335 Publisher: Mariner Books Pub. Date: 01 August, 1996 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: The Love They Lost: Living With the Legacy of Our Parents' Divorce by Stephanie Staal ISBN: 0385334109 Publisher: Delta Pub. Date: 04 September, 2001 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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