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Title: LIVING WITH THE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MAN by Scott, Ph.D. Wetzler ISBN: 0-671-87074-2 Publisher: Fireside Books Pub. Date: 01 October, 1993 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $12.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4 (34 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Should be required reading for every woman in America!
Comment: If you're on the dating scene and you've thought you were making progress with a relationship--only to have the guy start getting cold feet, or your formerly passionate husband has become incommunicative and disinterested, then you need to read Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man. All will become clear within 200 pages.
The passive-aggesive personality disorder in men is reaching epidemic proportions in this country, due to the fact that most American men over 30 were raised with one set of values (women should be submissive and stay at home) and are today supposed to live with another set of values (women are men's equal and should follow their own ideas). And then there are all the p/a's who inherited their problems from upbringing by troubled parents.
All I know is that every single one of my female friends has pondered "how can you possibly understand men?" Well, Scott Wetzler does, and explains their inexplicable p/a behavior. I thought it was interesting that the negative reviews of this book were all by men--no doubt guys who had had the book given to them because they had a problem, and as the book says, are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions!
I found it chilling that Dr. Wetzler described my husband as if he knew him personally. The problems that I had blamed myself for were all there: the abstinence, the emotional withdrawal, the subtle criticisms, the narcissim. What a huge relief to know that all this was not my fault!
Rating: 2
Summary: Some Truth, Lots of Assumptions
Comment: I found the book helpful. I would not rely on it as the only source of relationship information.
The author's strategy to deal with PA is to label people (page 34). Then we have them inside a neat little box. So after reading the book, some people have assumed they know all of the feelings, thoughts, and motivators of the PA person. That is dangerous and inaccurate.
"Passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) is no longer regarded as an official personality disorder in DSM-IV; this is because its principal features are so commonly seen in other personality disorders, such as borderline, histrionic and dependent. PAPD is in the appendix of DSM-IV as a condition requiring further study. " - from mhsource
In other words, it is too vague.
The author makes huge assumptions that each instance of this behavior has one, and only one, motive. Factors beyond our relationship to our Mother are largely ignored.
The author assumes that numerous actions intend harm and are for control purposes. That may not be true.
Inconsistencies: The author criticizes the PA person for feeling like a victim. Then he advocates throughout the book that the reader should feel innocent and a victim. He is also inconsistent regarding anger. It is criticized. And then he says that the reader "has every right to feel angry" and act out that anger. The PA is criticized for blaming others. The reader is told numerous times that the blame and fault for problems in the relationship are "his" and only his.
Beyond all that, he has written a book on relationships that completely omits love, spirituality, and any moral values. The only values promoted are selfishness and self-centeredness. That is his "solution" to relationship problems.
I do not make excuses for disrespectful, demeaning, or manipulative behavior. Many people need to change behaviors. This book does not offer solutions based on love.
You may find a more accurate description of marital issues in Give and Take by Willard F. Harley, Jr. In his books, you will see that many "love busting" actions come from unmet needs, self-centeredness, and other reasons.
There are also other books that include research and widely-respected views. This book has bits of helpful information. It is not balanced. Use with care.
Rating: 4
Summary: RISE ABOVE HIS RAISING - THE FUNCTIONAL DYSFUNCTIONAL
Comment: I strongly recommend this book for anyone seeking to find help for their therapy resistant partner who has mood disorders, any type of addiction, identity issues, self-esteem issues, reoccurring unresolved anger and troubling relationship issues.
Excellent compliments to this book are: The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen; Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy by Karl Heinz Brisch and Kenneth Kronenberg; The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman; Emotional Blackmail: When People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier; Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson; Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown; Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender.
And if you want to pursue the subject even further, you may be interested in reading The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective On Marital Treatment; Addicted to Unhappiness: Free yourself from the moods and behaviors that undermine relationships, work and the life you want by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper; Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.
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Title: Emotional Unavailability : Recognizing It, Understanding It, and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins ISBN: 0809229145 Publisher: McGraw-Hill Companies Pub. Date: 11 March, 1998 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Is It You or Is It Me?: Why Couples Play the Blame Game by Scott Wetzler, Diane Cole ISBN: 0060930292 Publisher: Perennial Pub. Date: 01 July, 1999 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing With Manipulative People by George K. Simon, George Simon ISBN: 096516960X Publisher: A. J. Christopher & Company Pub. Date: 01 September, 1996 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
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Title: Angry Men, Passive Men: Understanding the Roots of Men's Anger and How to Move Beyond It by Marvin Allen, Jo Robinson ISBN: 0449908119 Publisher: Ballantine Books Pub. Date: 01 June, 1994 List Price(USD): $19.00 |
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Title: Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward, Donna Frazier ISBN: 0060928972 Publisher: Quill Pub. Date: 01 April, 1998 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
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