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Title: The Comfort Trap (or, What If You're Riding a Dead Horse?) by Judith, Ph.D. Sills ISBN: 0-670-85847-1 Publisher: Viking Press Pub. Date: 15 January, 2004 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $23.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 3 (3 reviews)
Rating: 3
Summary: Maybe the right book but definitely the wrong time
Comment: On one hand, this book does a fine job of making the reader think : Why not leave a lousy job? Why not leave a unsatisfying relationship? On the other hand it fails to understand today's economic reality. There are a lot of folks out of work today and after begging their landlords to accept a partial payment or telling the bank that the mortgage check is NOT in the mail or having to go to the community food bank so their kids could have dinner these folks would love to have a "safe" but boring job. What the author calls a comfort trap millions of others would call peace of mind.
Rating: 1
Summary: Couid Not Get Past Fawning Tribute To A Convicted Terrorist
Comment: The challenge was insurmountable. I could not get past the author's fawning tribute to a convicted terrorist.
Rating: 5
Summary: Honest talk on a tough subject
Comment: Ignore the editorial reviews of this book, which offer only glowing generalities. Comfort Trap offers the first solid guidance for a challenge faced by many.
Safety, says Sills, "limits the amount of satisfaction any experience can deliver." Yet inevitably, we cling to what feels safe and comfortable. There's nothing wrong with making do and staying put, Sills hastens to add. But if your job or relationship aren't going anywhere, you'd better face facts. Avoid reality and your subconscious may take over: you'll make mistakes that catapult you off the horse, ready or not.
Facing facts calls for creating a vision and studying your past to see if you have a habit of riding dead horses (or, she might have added, killing anything that starts out half-alive).
To her enormous credit, Sills reminds us that delving into the past can create yet another comfort trap. It is only by taking action, making decisions and facing fear that we can actually find a new horse.
To remove yourself, Sills says, calls for discipline, i.e., "the will to get over the wall." It is necessary to follow one's mind rather than one's short-term emotions. And, she recommends, create structures to help you reach your goal.
Most important, you must have a vision -- you thinking of moving to something rather than leaving the horse behind The vision must be under your control, which leaves out visions like "Make Harry a more sensitive person." And the vision must be motivational -- you must be excited enough to get moving.
Sills is a psychotherapist who has, she says, worked long enough to know when to question her training. Yet as a therapist, inevitably she sees clients with relationship rather than career or busines challenges. Not surprisingly, nearly all of Sills's examples focus on love rather than work.
As a career coach, I was drawn to the example of the client who hates the family business but can't earn the same income elsewhere. Rather than question her client's values ("Do you really need this much money?") Sills wisely helps the client develop a vision of working constructively for this business. She creates simple interventions that seem as much like coaching as therapy, e.g., "Start work with that pile of paper. Set an alarm to remind yourself to begin a difficult task."
I would have liked to see more about the way people decide if their horses are really dead. Sills admits that, at some point, you have to "place your bet" with incomplete information. In the self-help world, authors need courage (and a good editor) to say saying, "There is no checklist." However, there are times when people have to weigh tradeoffs, especially if they walk away from a career or marriage with tangible benefits that cannot be replaced. And Sills drops a tantalizing hint when she says, "Sometimes what's dead is you." I'd have liked some clarification.
Overall, this book offers a new way to think about being stuck and I will be recommending Comfort Trap to everyone who visits my own website. It's timely and upbeat, but refreshingly honest. You have to admire a book that, in the 21st century, dares to replace "dream and do it" with "discipline."
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Title: Excess Baggage: Getting Out of Your Own Way by Judith, Ph.D. Sills ISBN: 0140157204 Publisher: Penguin USA (Paper) Pub. Date: January, 1994 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Change Your Life in 30 Days: A Journey to Finding Your True Self by Rhonda Britten ISBN: 0525947892 Publisher: Dutton Books Pub. Date: 05 February, 2004 List Price(USD): $21.95 |
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Title: Fine Romance by Ph.D. Judith Sills ISBN: 0345385713 Publisher: Ballantine Books Pub. Date: 06 April, 1993 List Price(USD): $19.00 |
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Title: The Joy Diet : 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life by Martha Beck ISBN: 0609609904 Publisher: Crown Pub. Date: 06 May, 2003 List Price(USD): $16.00 |
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Title: Loving Men More, Needing Men Less by Judith, Phd Sills, Judith Biting the Apple Sills ISBN: 0140242236 Publisher: Penguin USA (Paper) Pub. Date: March, 1997 List Price(USD): $11.95 |
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