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Title: How Not to Stay Single After 40: The Secret to Finding Passion, Love, and Fulfillment--At Last by Nita Tucker ISBN: 0-609-80588-6 Publisher: Three Rivers Press (CA) Pub. Date: 22 January, 2002 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $12.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 2.6 (5 reviews)
Rating: 1
Summary: We need a guide on how NOT to feel guilty for being single
Comment: at ANY age! Ms Tucker is going on the premise that the only ACCEPTABLE state is the married state. In her book she basically states that if you are over 40 and single, then there is something at fault, and that it is YOU. I got more than a little tired of reading about her "Tony" as though he were an award (tony award, get it? LOL)
I felt she was way too brutal in doling out of her opinions, and some of her ideas for catching a man (such as going under the knife to appear younger) are just outright ridiculous. Also, it is offensive to assume that all single women have low self esteem as though a wedding ring will cure all of your problems.
To me this book deserve a place right next to The Rules--and that place is the trash can!
Rating: 2
Summary: Trite, and doesn't tell you anything you don't already know
Comment: ...like most self-help books. I also don't agree with Nita Tucker that older men can always "get" younger women. Many young women prefer guys closer to their own age, and don't like much older men unless they're attractive, look young for their age, and/or have lots of money. If you do see lots of younger women taking up with much older men it's usually because the older men have lots of power and prestige. A lot of times these relationships don't last because A) the older men just want a trophy wife and B) the younger women get bored and want a younger, firmer body to lie with themselves.
I remember looking at a matchmaking site and reading a letter to an advice column from a man in his 40s complaining that he couldn't get any women in their 20s. Like some of the guys Ms. Tucker mentioned in this book, he said he absolutely refuses to date women closer to his own age.
Yes, there are young women who do like older men regardless of their looks and/or social status and are in happy marriages or long-lasting relationships with them, but I think they tend to be the exception more than the rule.
So it can work both ways.
Rating: 4
Summary: Useful and Encouraging!
Comment: Rather than using the "scare tactics" in "Find a Husband Over 35," Nita Tucker encourages over-40s not to give up, and explores some of the problems particular to this age group. For example, she speaks of how easy it is to get caught in negative beliefs (there are no good men, men only want younger women, there are no good men in my city...) and how easy it is, at an age where you've been hurt or disappointed more than a few times, to just "give up." She also talks about how "shameful" it is in our culture for a woman to admit she "wants a relationship," which is utterly ludicrous. We all know life is more satisfying with love and intimacy rather than without it--what's so embarrassing about that! Plus, "wanting" is not the same thing as "needing," and she certainly does not suggest you put your life on hold. Neither, by the way, does she suggest you settle for anything less than someone you truly love and with whom you have CHEMISTRY. (None of this, OK, you're over 40, so take-whomever-you-can-get nonsense...) She certainly does acknowledge our culture's obsession with youth and beauty and addresses that issue realistically, but bluntly. She even feels that if losing weight and a few "nips and tucks" make you feel better about yourself, go for it. (Her bottom line, though, is feeling good about yourself.) I felt I had to write this review after reading another which stated this book offered nothing useful. I'm a psychotherapist, and I strongly disagree. Single women over 40 need encouragement. There are too many naysayers out there. All men are not "jerks" or "sexist pigs," and if you think so, you probably have issues best dealt with in therapy. Finally, Tucker speaks of the importance of not taking rejection personally. This is CRUCIAL, I feel, especially when doing online dating. Not everyone will like you or be attracted to you--that simply means that person is not the right one for you. It's not a statement of your worth. Letting a perfect stranger's (or someone you've met once) lack of interest get you down will definitely cause you to become increasingly hopeless. Looking at it as a way to find the right mate for you is a much more fruitful way to approach the topic. If you want to spend your Sundays in bed with a good book by yourself, that's certainly a fine choice. But if you'd like to wake up next to your honey and spend the day in bed with him, buy this book.
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