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Title: Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others: The Fascinating Research That Can Land You the Husband of Your Dreams by John T. Molloy ISBN: 0-446-53113-8 Publisher: Warner Books Pub. Date: October, 2003 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $21.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.4 (15 reviews)
Rating: 4
Summary: Refreshing no nonsense approach
Comment: John Molloy is a marketing strategist. In this book he explains how to increase your chances of marriage by analyzing the results of a number of surveys he conducted on married women, single women and men. The result is not a "how to" book but rather an examination of cause and effect. It explains the actions that the married women took in order to secure a mate, as well as the actions that those who are unable to find a mate have in common. This allows you to figure out the behaviours that are decreasing your chances of finding a husband. It identifies which men are statistically more likely to propose. The book also explains what it is that makes men want to marry some women and why they reject others, again, by examining the common behavioral patterns of the women in each group.
There is no pop psychology here. The source information is an empirical body of information- the statistical results of a marketing survey. Each chapter ends with bullet point, bottom line information, which eliminates any "fluff" in the preceding chapter. Although there is nothing novel in the survey's findings (take care of yourself, go where the men are etc), the information is presented in a refreshing no nonsense way. This is the book's greatest asset. You get the bottom line in an easily digestible format. It's not a book about kindred souls, feelings, games and meant to be's. It gives you a practical, no nonsence strategy for increasing your chances of marriage.
Rating: 5
Summary: Just the Facts, Ma'am
Comment: How I wish I had read this when I was still in my 30s. If you're looking for a book that is entertaining or touchy-feely, skip this one. It reports results of thousands of interviews and bares the hard cold facts--some made me feel optimistic, most were sobering but truthful and necessary to know. I was surprised to read that the majority of women his team interviewed at marriage license offices admitted they had to give their sweeties what amounts to an ultimatum to get him to commit. (I worry such arm-twisting might account for our high divorce rate.) What interested me most was the section that discussed The Stringer, the kind of fellow you date for years without any certainty of a future in terms of marriage. So you wake up in your early 40s, figure out his game, then find how very hard it is to find a man who wants to date (and marry) you who isn't a whole lot older than you (and probably more interested in you as his geriatric nurse). Molloy described stringers as "very destructive" because their M.O. can result in woman being single (and he didn't mention, childless) the rest of her life. Also, we all kind of know it and Molloy was sympathetic to the unfairness of it, but the statistics are as clear as a bell that women who let themselves get heavy put themselves in a very, very bad position to attract a man despite a few happy string bean-tomato exceptions. He included some good tips on where to go to meet men even though I'd rather stay single than devote time to model train shows or hang out in sports bars (however he did cite other places more appealing to me). Why aren't more single men going to places where women with high values tend to gravitate--churches, volunteer programs, cultural institutions, etc.? I guess it goes back his finding that they need to be pressured to grow up and commit, and singles bars are the easiest route to a fling. Reminds me of Reagan's quote, "It was women who brought men out of the caves." I wish Molloy would lay some cold facts on men in his next book, but of course which gender is it who reads books on enhancing relationships?
Rating: 5
Summary: Fascinating research made practical
Comment: I read some of Molloy's other books in the distant past, and was impressed, so I checked this out. If the topic of how men proceed or don't proceed toward the altar interests you, this book will open your eyes up. A lot of research went into the book, and it was guided a lot by women who were among Molloy's researchers who themselves wanted to get married.
Some guys, according to Molloy, become interested in marriage when they no longer fit comfortably into the singles scene. Because they have matured beyond the girls who are still in the singles scene, or the girls in the singles scene start to look at those guys as outsiders who no longer belong in the singles scene.
In this book he destroys the notion that women over 40 have a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than married, when he relates that he thought the statement was absurd, and looked at the statistics, and saw that nine percent of women who got married in 1980 were forty or older.
Molloy sees men being ready for marriage or not being ready for marriage. When a guy is fresh out of college, he may well want to enjoy his freedom for a couple of years. So he will not be ready to settle down for a while. A woman who wants to get married will concentrate on guys who are ready to get married.
Most men proposed only after pressure was applied by the prospective bride, and Molloy argues that if that pressure is not applied that many of the women would not have gotten married. It seems that there is a natural readiness period, and if the proposal doesn't take place in that period, then it won't happen. And it is up to the woman to push it along in many cases, if it is to happen. Molloy suggests that some pressuring is good, and other pressuring is bad. E.g., "I will find someone else if you don't marry me," seems to make the man defensive and uncooperative.
I am a straight unmarried guy, and read this because I find the topic interesting. But there is a lot of material that would be useful for women who want to land a husband. There is nothing that focuses specifically on getting a husband of your dreams, per se, but there is material to help you assess whether a current "Mr. Right" is a waste of time (and time destroys mate-finding opportunities!). Or how to proceed with a Mr. Right to optimize your chances of a marriage him.
A great book.
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