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Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

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Title: Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
by Sherrie Eldridge
ISBN: 0-440-50838-X
Publisher: Dell
Pub. Date: 12 October, 1999
Format: Paperback
Volumes: 1
List Price(USD): $13.95
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Average Customer Rating: 3.96 (100 reviews)

Customer Reviews

Rating: 5
Summary: Helpful to Adoptive Parents and Adoptees Alike!
Comment: I'm an adolescent adoptee, and although this book is written for adoptive parents, I found it extremely useful. Sherrie Eldridge touches on topics never even considered in other books that I have read about adoption. In her twenty statements from adopted children to their adoptive parents, she gives a voice to adoptees everywhere. She explains issues to parents that are sensitive to adopted children, while sharing personal stories and anecdotes that adoptees can truly identify with. Well-researched, well-written, and well-formatted, Sherrie Eldridge's book gives a personal look at the complex emotions that every member of an adoptive family has to deal with. I can personally identify with the chapters entitled "Birthdays May Be Difficlt for Me" and "Even If I Decide to Search for My Birth Family, I Will Always Want You to Be My Parents." I thought I was the only one who got depressed on my birthday! And I've been worried that bringing up the topic of searching to my parents would make them think I view them as inferior to my birth parents. I'm so lucky to have found this book at a time in my life when I truly felt alone in my experiences.

Rating: 5
Summary: A "Must Read" for anyone struggling with Adoption Issues!
Comment: Since purchasing "Twenty Things..." by Sherrie Eldridge, I can't put it down. I'm a 52 year old woman who was adopted when I was 6 months old. I've finally found a book written on adoption which mirrors my own thoughts in the beautifully written words I could could not find. The chapters having to do with the Pain of a birthday and the Shame of wondering if I did something to cause my birth parents to want to "give me away" were especially heart touching. Although Ms. Eldridge's book may reconnect all members of the adoption triad with painful issues, this is pain which must be re-visited in order to truly understand and HEAL! Each chapter ends on an extremely positive note therefore providing the reader with the desire to continue reading. Sherrie Eldridge has written an outstanding book with the knowledge that only an adopted person can truly understand. She has clearly done vast research as is evidenced by her many references. "Twenty Things..." is the next best thing to actually undergoing adoption therapy. Bless her!!

Rating: 5
Summary: Required Reading for Adoptive Parents
Comment: As an adoptive parent of three children adopted from state foster care, I found this book to be honest and helpful.

We adoptive parents don't always want to hear that our children will experience pain and loss. We wish we could make it all better. But Eldridge helps us understand that to help our children move beyond their losses, we must acknowledge them. The first step in doing this is realizing our children have different issues than biological children. They have lost their first parents, and often lost foster parents and other loved ones as well. This inescapable fact may affect them for a lifetime.

Eldridge writes eloquently about the feelings of abandonment, loss and grief that adopted children often feel. She demystifies the common beliefs that adopted children will simply "forget" their losses, or that good parenting means adoptees won't want to search for birth parents (or, conversely, that only unhappy adoptees want to search).

With so many books on adoption today written by adoptive parents, it is nice to see a book written by an adoptee. The perspective of Eldridge is welcome and necessary in adoption literature. She deserves kudos for the courage to write so openly about her private feelings and fears.

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