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Title: He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships by Stephen Carter, Julia Sokol ISBN: 0-440-50625-5 Publisher: Dell Publishing Company Pub. Date: 01 February, 1995 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.65 (43 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: This book was LIFE CHANGING!!!!!!!!!
Comment: This was a great book! It changed my life! I read it after getting involved with someone who admitted that they were 'commitmentphobic.' For whatever reason, even after knowing this, I still got involved. I felt drawn to this person like never before. Anyway, I was crushed when the 'relationship' suddenly changed and ended. I was left feeling very confused by their behavior, as well as by their reappearances in my life. I couldn't believe after reading this, how acurately it depicted the events that took place between my partner and me. It felt as if the authors were writing my dating biography.
Well, I now realize that my partners weren't all to blame. I kept choosing partners who weren't completely available for a long-term commitment. I longed for love, and yet kept running the other way, wanting "my space", when any relationship I was in got too 'close'-- or when it seemed like the other person wanted more than I was willing to give. Thus, unintentionally, I began to seek out persons who simply couldn't give the time or consistency to a warm, honest, and balanced relationship. You may think, like I used to, that you just haven't found "THE ONE". But trust me, if you have gone from relationship to relationship; if you or your partner suddenly have ended things and gone the other way; you have to come to realize that the issue is much deeper than it may seem. This book forces you to look at yourself in the mirror! Don't read this, if you want to continue pursuing 'fantasy partners!' Only read it if you want to GET REAL with yourself and your dating history!!! Get real..so you can get the real and committed relationship that you desire.
Also recommened: Men who can't love. ( Same authors )
Rating: 1
Summary: Cites the symptoms, but not the solution!
Comment: Buying this book to fix yourself or your relationship is like fixing a ramshackle house with rubberbands and duct tape. Here's why:
1) These people are not scientists, sociologists or therapists. They are the equivalent of emotional "trainspotters". They went out into the world and found many examples of people who are scared of commitment and made correlations and assumptions based on very little other than loose commonalities.
2) Of course you're scared of commitment! Who isn't? Duh. This book never gets to the reason WHY. Instead, it tells you to "examine yourself" (on your own) and force yourself to make commitments without ever getting to the reason why commitments create such anxiety for you. Even after reading this book and relating to it completely, I still acted out the same old patterns without a clue as to why.
3) These people have no training in therapy or psychoanalysis, and they say as much. They approach the issue as if it were something that started in adulthood, instead of examining the roots of all our problems: childhood, and the need to bond and separate with our parents.
A MUCH, MUCH better book is John Wellwood's "Journey of the Heart". Wellwood successfully addresses in one chapter what this book attempts to cover in 200 pages, but fails. Wellwood will get you to think about why you fluctuate from "abandonment panic" to "engulfment panic", recognize what's going on, and most importantly, teach you how to overcome your fears so you can lead a more fulfilling life. Pick it up and read the chapter "Obstacles to the path", and you'll get it.
PS. The idea that "Men can't love" (their other book) is pure hooey! (and I'm a woman, FYI)
Rating: 5
Summary: The most insightful book ever
Comment: This book is so accurate in describing my dating dilemma. It helped me face the fact that I was dating a commitmentphobic person and i know that i have passive commitment issues myself that i need to change. It was a painful realization but helped me on the road to self-discovery. I couldn't put this book down from start to finish. I still go back and reread parts when i need to. i did have the courage to end the relationship and look foward to making better choices for myself in the future.I reccomend this book for anyone having commitment issues.
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Title: Men Who Can't Love by Steven Carter ISBN: 0425111709 Publisher: Berkley Publishing Group Pub. Date: 01 September, 1997 List Price(USD): $7.99 |
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Title: Getting to Commitment by Steven Carter, Julia Sokol ISBN: 0871319055 Publisher: M. Evans and Company Pub. Date: 15 February, 2000 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Don't Call That Man by Rhonda Findling ISBN: 0786884274 Publisher: Hyperion Pub. Date: 17 November, 1999 List Price(USD): $11.95 |
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Title: Men Like Women Who Like Themselves: (And Other Secrets That the Smartest Women Know) by Steven Carter, Julia Sokol ISBN: 0440506158 Publisher: Dell Publishing Company Pub. Date: 01 July, 1997 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: What Smart Women Know by Steven Carter, Julia Sokol ISBN: 0871319063 Publisher: M. Evans and Company Pub. Date: 15 February, 2000 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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