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Title: Men Who Can't Love by Steven Carter, Julia Sokol ISBN: 0425111709 Publisher: Berkley Pub Group Pub. Date: September, 1997 Format: Mass Market Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $7.99 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.73
Rating: 5
Summary: This book immediately healed my pain
Comment: My relationship lasted 7 yrs (2yrs as best friends and 5yrs dating. My "x" did exactly what was described in the book. He set boundaries, had strange phone habits, was always distracted with something else to avoid focusing on our relationship. At the beginning he accepted me unconditionally but after we started dating he was mean, critical, unavailable and emotionally withdrawn. He broke up with me about every 6 months. I thought I was doing something wrong. At the beginning he wanted marriage and now (7yrs later) he tells me he's a life time bachelor and maybe will get married at 50. I could never talk about my feelings, our future or our relationship because he would become withdrawn. There were nice moments but the moments when he disappeared were very painful. Often when I would call him at home, work or on his cell phone he was unreachable. He broke up with me again a month ago during vacation...he said he needed to do his own thing and he wasn't happy. After reading the book my pain immediately went away. I will not reconcile with him AGAIN. I understand now what type of person he is & I don't ever want this type of man again. I also found out from friends that he dumped his previous long term girlfriends for the same reasons. When ever they got close he would RUN.
Rating: 5
Summary: A More than Thankful Reader
Comment: I can't believe this book hit my ten month relationship right on the nose! It was like the author said. He came on really strong in the begining. For the first few weeks his pursuits were ones I'd never experienced before. He spent hours every night on the phone filling my head with "fantasy". He was calling me everynight and talked for two to three hours. In our conversations he would tell me of places he wanted to take me, things he wanted to do for me, people whom he wanted me to meet (including his mother). He was taking me to eleborate dinners and shows. Spending obscene amounts of money on me of which I told him made me unconfortable. His answer- "It made him happy to see me so happy". And then one month into the relationship at dinner he tells me not to expect a relationship from him and that he couldn't guarentee a commitment. I was stunned that he could do this in public and out of the blue! The thought of a serious relationship was know where near my mind. We had only been dating a month and his assumptions were bewildering! I took it as odd and told him we should just be friends. He excused himself from the table and came back a few minutes later teary-eyed and crying. He saved himself with a deep and long apology. He said he'd been so hurt in the past by his "ex" and that the thought of such pain again would kill him. I forgave him since it was early into the relationship and figured I'd think about dating in the future. After that he continued to come on strong. After a few months I forgot all about that crazy night because things were going so well. Then again, out of the blue he said I was expecting to much from him and told me he didn't want to see me anymore. I thought I was going crazy! What had I done? He called weeks later with an over the top "Hollywood" comeback.
I'm embarrased to say but we did this back and forth thing for months. And like Steven Cater said "the intervals" were shorter and more rapid everytime. This hurricane of a relastionship played deeply on my emotions. His behavior became more cruel and dis-respectful towards me and my feelings. His comebacks became more personal, he blamed his ex., his family, his job. We fought all the time. We were constatly breaking up and getting back together. He would tell me the thought of losing me from his life killed him. But then he would constantly accuse me of invading his space. He was continuously crying for an "in" then would scream at me until he got "out". He phoned less and less and we saw less of each other. His excuses for not seeing me became more bizzare and more dramatic. Towards the "Bitter End" he always seemed to have stomach aches around me and would break out in sweat heaves. One night he even went as far as to accuse me of having an STD to avoid sex!(Ironically after cooking him a nice dinner)
It got to the point where I didn't even know who I was. I no longer owned my own feelings, I was too busy catering to his. I was before a confident secure women who'd never picture anything like this ever happening to me. I realized I was becoming insecure, edgy, and withdrawn. I was embarrased that I could allow myself to be treated this way. I couldn't even fathom why this was happening to me. I was also begining to resent men.
Steven Carter was a guest speaker on a local radio show I listen to on my commute to work. I was listening to him and he described my ex. preciscley! I wrote down the name of this book and finally bought it when I knew I could take no more and needed reassurance. I read the whole book in 9 hours. This book has giving me my self-esteem back! After months of trying to figure out what I was doing wrong I was relieved to find out I wasn't doing anything wrong. In fact, I was too concentrated on doing everything right which drove him more and more away. I now realize that commitment phobia is serious and SO real. This book has saved me my sanity. It has helped me understand months of abuse. I'm alreday starting to read it again and will continue to use this as a crutch. Thank you Steven Carter for writing such and EXCELLENT book! I will conitnue to read your books in the future and obtain the partner I know I deserve!
Rating: 5
Summary: My first time reading a self-help book that actually helped!
Comment: I don't where to begin but to thank both authors for a sincere, non-dramatic, common sense, balanced, easy to read book. I was one of those who wouldn't DARE walk through the Relationship/Self-help aisle of a bookstore. But after a totally devastating relationship and no one to talk to, I took a chance and purchased this book. That was back in 1988 and I still have the original edition with the red, white, blue and gold cover!
Since that time, I no longer waste my valuable time, money and emotional energy on men (people) who are only interested in me if I am not interested them. I now have a healthy way of looking at myself AND not hating the men who failed to satisfy me. This book is a must read for both men and women.
Don't waste your time on relationship "experts" who appear on tv talk shows too much, whose face(s) are on the cover of the book, who have too many extreme (pro or con) reviews on AMAZON.COM, and/or those authors who don't reveal the mistakes/virtues they've made in their personal lives.
If all else fails, check your future relationship book out of a library or borrow from a friend so if you are disappointed, you haven't wasted your money. Again authors Carter & Sokol, I thank you. You are worth every penny!
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Title: He's Scared, She's Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships by Stephen Carter, Julia Sokol, Steven Carter ISBN: 0440506255 Publisher: DTP Pub. Date: February, 1995 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Don't Call That Man!: A Survival Guide to Letting Go by Rhonda Findling ISBN: 0786884274 Publisher: Hyperion (Adult Trd Pap) Pub. Date: November, 1999 List Price(USD): $11.95 |
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Title: Getting to Commitment by Steven Carter, Julia Sokol ISBN: 0871319055 Publisher: M Evans & Co Pub. Date: 15 February, 2000 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern ISBN: 0553260057 Publisher: Bantam Books Pub. Date: 01 August, 1983 List Price(USD): $7.50 |
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Title: Why Men Leave: Men Talk About Why They Decided to End the Relationship--And What Might Have Changed Their Minds by Brenda Shoshanna ISBN: 0399525068 Publisher: Perigee Pub. Date: June, 1999 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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