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Title: Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood by Naomi Wolf ISBN: 0-385-49745-8 Publisher: Anchor Books/Doubleday Pub. Date: 04 February, 2003 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 3.2 (91 reviews)
Rating: 3
Summary: Good points but some faults also
Comment: This was an eye-opening book for me. I'm not a mother, I'm not even married, so I haven't yet looked into all these issues in depth. I also don't live in the US. So it was interesting to read about the health system there, which seems to be on the one hand very much intervention-oriented but on the other hand, there is a continually growing natural-birth movement, which is very good.
I've read all of Naomi Wolf's previous books, & as I can recall, each & every one was met with lots of criticism when they first came out. There are flaws in this book, but it's a 'story' that needs to be told. As many other readers have noted, Wolf is a world-known feminist, & the fact that she decided to tackle this difficult issue may help in more public awareness of the problems of childbirth & pregnancy. One criticism I found extremely unfair is that Naomi "whines". It's true that the book has a general negative feeling about pregnancy & childbirth: but it's also true that 99,9% of information for mothers-to-be show a glowing, content, totally calm & fullfilling experience. Sure, there's talk about the pain of labour. But apart from that, there's little aknowledgment in society of a)post-partum depression, b) womens' frustration & sense of failure when they don't manage as well as they hoped work & child-rearing & when their husbands are only "helpers" & not equal partners in the new responsibilities. These issues have to be handled by the woman herself, while everyone around her finds it hard to see these difficulties. I've seen this happening in many of my friends' lives, I've seen the disappointment & the difficulties, & it would be so much better, first of all for the children, if mothers were better cared-for by their husbands but also by society as whole. Naomi Wolf proposes some interesting changes & gives some ideas at the end of the book, so that's a start.
Another unfair argument is that Naomi Wolf is "privileged", that she has a sense of entitlement. Also, some readers have asked- "what is she complaining about? she had a healthy baby didn't she". Since when does the fact that a woman is well-off take away her right & even responsibility to talk about everything she's learnt? Since when does that fact that a woman had a healthy baby mean that she has to forget & erase all she went through before that? It's as if she should be grateful or something, when the fact is that most women do have healthy babies but most women also aren't encouraged to talk about their negative experiences as well as the positive. Women like Wolf have the knowledge, time & yes money to do good research & to shout out loud all this information that has to be heard. So it's not only in her self-interest that she does this, it's in the interest of all women.
Even though I liked this book, there are a couple of things I wasn't happy with. First, the fact that some of Wolf's points were not very clear, & they were even contradictory at times. For example her view about abortion confused & angered me. She does not take a clear pro-choice position but rather says she takes this position while on the other hand she finds herself confused & persuaded partly by pro-lifers. Also, she talks about breast-feeding glowingly, & then goes on to put down "La leche league" as "lactation fascists".
A final note: the book is very very badly edited. There's not a complete bibliography in the end, & there are MANY typos. I found myself holding a pen, crossing out wrongly spelled words, or adding missing words. This to me is unacceptable & even a little embarrasing for the editors & indeed, the author.
All in all, a book well worth reading, which maybe doesn't contain wide research but which definitely leads a reader to do more research on their own.
Rating: 5
Summary: I love it
Comment: Naomi - thank you. I couldn't agree more!!!!
Rating: 3
Summary: nothing groundbreaking, but worth a look
Comment: I'm shocked at how little Naomi felt she knew about pregnancy and birth. I had my first of two sons when I was 18 years old. I turned to numerous resources to educate myself about nutrition, common occurances, word definitions, the birth experience, et cetera. What I experienced (a trouble-free, non-medicated, hospital birth) actually surprised me only in that I thought it would be much worse.
Naomi appears to have a lot to say, but in the end she's running in circles with no real conclusions (as if there are any in the U.S.), and no extensive insight. She is talking from her personal experience (thirty-something, married, well-educated, good household income, etc.) I know in her Afterword she attempts to address and/or defend the limited scope of her book. I can talk about my own experience, and have, but I expect more from a writer such as she.
I could not relate to her experience on some levels: For example: Many of us do not have the luxury of staying at home, nor do we have the luxury of taking leave when we have children--or for that matter not putting our children in daycare. I went back to work/college two weeks after I had my son. I exclusively nursed, pumped, took him to daycare with me (worked at a care center) and did not complain, because it was something I had to do and I accepted it. I just feel like, in comparison to many women, she has little to complain about. Sorry lil' girl, but this is not a huge revelation to many of us.--There are many other arguments I disagree with--but there are some points in the book I do agree with. These include the dismissive nature doctors have about postpartum depression. I had a severe case with my second son and I felt too embarrassed, too afraid I would be considered unfit if I told my care-provider. When I did, I got a bottle of Celexa and was sent on my way. This, I might add, helped nothing. I also agree with her description of the hospital experience--I compare mine with my sister's experience. I thought my doctor would be there much of the time, coaching me on, being my advocate. Oh, so not true. In my two birthing experiences, nothing could be further from the truth.--And when Naomi mentions in her book about going to dr. appts. and being told that the doctor would be back in a few minutes, I could totally relate. I had no idea that the doctor would come when summoned by the nurses, just moments before the head crowned, then w/o telling me he would cut me open, sew me up, and be done in time for dinner. In comparison, my sister had midwives with her two girls. Her experience was so much more comfortable, so beautiful, and not sterile.
I also agree with the way in which your relationship with your spouse may suffer. I too, felt bitter at times, I felt as if I took on all responsibility as far as feeding, changing, and waking up late at night. What I discovered is this: Make him do it! Make your spouse do what you want him to do. After a time, I refused to change a diaper--I asked my husband to do it. I refused to cook dinner at times, and he learned to do it, I told him I needed time off--just to write or read and he would do it. We set in motion a plan that actually has worked. The women Naomi describes become complicit in the way the spouses treat them. The become bitter, as I did, but they do not set bounderies. I think this should be a point she may consider for a new Afterword.
All in all, I believe this is an interesting read. I enjoyed the Mother's Manifesto at the end. My conclusion is this: Look at Sweden! : )
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Title: The Mask of Motherhood: How Becoming a Mother Changes Our Lives and Why We Never Talk About It by Susan Maushart ISBN: 0140291784 Publisher: Penguin Books Pub. Date: 01 May, 2000 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: Life After Birth: What Even Your Friends Won't Tell You About Motherhood by Kate Figes, Jean Zimmerman ISBN: 0312283326 Publisher: St. Martin's Press Pub. Date: 01 July, 2002 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: The Beauty Myth : How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women by Naomi Wolf ISBN: 0060512180 Publisher: Perennial Pub. Date: 24 September, 2002 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Promiscuities: The Secret Struggle for Womanhood by Naomi Wolf ISBN: 0449907643 Publisher: Ballantine Books Pub. Date: 01 August, 1998 List Price(USD): $15.00 |
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Title: The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued by Ann Crittenden ISBN: 0805066195 Publisher: Owl Books (NY) Pub. Date: 01 January, 2002 List Price(USD): $15.00 |
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