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Title: If Men Could Talk: Unlocking the Secret Language of Men by Alon Gratch Ph.D. ISBN: 0-316-17868-3 Publisher: Little Brown & Co (Pap) Pub. Date: 06 February, 2002 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.67 (6 reviews)
Rating: 4
Summary: Explains a lot, but not too encouraging
Comment: If you can forgive the author, a psychologist, his long detours into stories about his patients, which sometimes bear only a tangential relationship to the subject at hand, you will find a lot of value in this little book. The value lies in the author's description of seven attributes that supposedly cause the majority of men's problems: Shame, Emotional Absence, Masculine Insecurity, Self-Involvement, Aggression, Self-Destructiveness, and Sexual Acting-Out. Each of these attributes has its own chapter, and each is well-explained.
Where the book falls down is in its failure to offer suggestions for improvement for the men themselves. The healed man is never discussed, and in fact, Gratch makes the entire prospect of a self-aware man seem pretty unlikely. It seems that in the author's view, men are in the dark about themselves, and it's almost impossible for them to be otherwise.
This problem can be illustrated with the example of the heavy use in the book of the word "paradoxical." For instance, it is paradoxical that men will, in seeking "space" from one woman, make love to another. Once the author has labeled a behavior or trait a paradox, which he does a lot, no further exploration is required. "Paradox" is code for "it doesn't make sense and I'm at a loss to explain it." If so much of men's behavior is paradoxical, I'd think a discussion of that very issue would be in order.
A big drawback for me as a woman was the frequent reference to things a girlfriend or spouse could/should do in a specific situation with her man, something that would be ultimately healing for him. The problem is, these actions invariably required walking on eggshells - do this but don't do that, say this but don't say that - which was counter-intuitive to me and probably a lot of other women as well. So if it's true that my guy needs me to say just the right thing at just the right time in order for him to be healed, we're in trouble.
In spite of its flaws, I learned a lot about men from Gratch's book, and I think men would find it enlightening as well. And, I have to give a nod to its clever title.
Rating: 4
Summary: A Primer on actually Understanding Men
Comment: Gratch is a clinical psychologist who has spent many years working predominantly with men. One of the most common complaints from women about men is that they don't talk. This book is the result of years of getting men to talk and finding out what they would say, if they would talk openly. Covering several areas from shame to sexual acting out, this is not a book about quick fixes but a detailed analysis of the psyche of men and what goes on under the surface.
Gratch breaks his analysis down to seven key attributes that you must understand in order to understand men. First are the defensive attributes of Shame and Emotional Absence. He explains how these affect a man's thoughts and actions as well as what can be done about it. Then he discusses the four things that affect a man when he finally does open up. These are Masculine Insecurity, Self-Involvement, Aggression, and Self-Destructiveness. And finally he discusses the practice of Sexual Acting-Out.
An interesting and provocative book, some readers (mostly men) will have a problem with the analysis and some will find it enlightening. Reasonably argued and filled with interesting insights, it is a reasonable analysis of how many men really operate deep inside.
Rating: 5
Summary: A truly enlightening view of men
Comment: This book gave me insights into the male psyche and a perspective from this therapist's point of view. No only did Dr.Gratch open new avenues in which to communicate with men but he also shared much of himself with the reader. In this book, it is evident that his own journey was both difficult and rewarding. It is easy to see how he was able to relate to his patients and described the uneasy paths they endure. His descriptions of his patients and their voyages through therapy are enlightening and sometimes amusing. I highly recommend this book for both men and women. It is an eye opener!
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Title: How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women by Terrence Real ISBN: 0684868784 Publisher: Scribner Book Company Pub. Date: 24 December, 2002 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT: OVERCOMING THE SECRET LEGACY OF MALE DEPRESSION by Terrence Real ISBN: 0684835398 Publisher: Scribner Book Company Pub. Date: 01 March, 1998 List Price(USD): $15.00 |
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Title: The Pain Behind the Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression by John Lynch, Christopher T. Kilmartin ISBN: 0789005581 Publisher: Haworth Press Pub. Date: 01 March, 1999 List Price(USD): $19.95 |
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Title: Unmasking Male Depression by Archibald Hart ISBN: 0849940702 Publisher: W Publishing Group Pub. Date: 02 January, 2001 List Price(USD): $12.99 |
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Title: What Men Really Want by Herb Goldberg ISBN: 0451169727 Publisher: Signet Book Pub. Date: 01 May, 1991 List Price(USD): $6.99 |
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