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Title: The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Ross W. Greene ISBN: 0-06-093102-7 Publisher: HarperCollins Pub. Date: 23 January, 2001 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.61 (77 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Tired parent finds hope in this innovative approach.
Comment: Reading Dr. Greene's book is the first exciting development in the treatment for our child in 6 long, tough years. It is the first time that I have encountered a M.H. professional that understands what has been in my heart all along: that he has explosive episodes rooted in frustration that paralyze his thinking ability, and under those circumstances, controls and punishment do more harm than good to a child who "knows" his behavior is unacceptable but does not have the skills to change. He is already in a great deal of pain, and consequences only exacerbate his frustration. Beyond this understanding, the author takes theory into a revolutionary "user friendly" methodology for re-teaching the parents first, the child, school and anyone else in the loop. He does not insult parents by telling them that their inept parenting skills are causal, instead he poses the question: Have your previous methods (usually those encouraged by conventional theories) yielded desirable results; Is your child any better able to avoid explosive behavior?
A previous reviewer commented that this book may be too arduous for an exhausted parent to get through. On the contrary, it is was energizing! It was written with extreme patience. This book is a tool for anyone involved with explosive children, especially for professionals who are open to changing their approach to one with promise to be far more effective. Though it is critical of behavioral modification it does not discount the benefits to some children. Permissiveness is not encouraged, if that is the fear of skeptics of this method. The key point is that punishment and rewards have failed over and over again to have any positive impact on inflexible-explosive children.
His major premise is that children do not "choose" these behaviors and consequently they cannot choose to change any more than a child with diabetes can choose to change his body chemistry. Instead, by concentrating all effort on the most destructive behavior, a child may be taught the skills he is lacking to deal with frustration. Coherance and logic need to restored first. In time, the other behaviors can be dealt with once his environment is friendlier and not perceived as antagonistic. This method has promise to reunite families, torn apart by rage.
Dr. Greene encourages parents and others involved to change their vision of the child as the first step to employing his techniques. This is the point that had the greatest impact on my thinking. My hope is that he is able to change the vision of the mental health system with his approach, enabling more parents the opportunity to access this method.
Rating: 5
Summary: Wonderful for the challenged parent of a challenged child
Comment: For a parent trying to cope with a high-energy, difficult child, Dr. Greene's book reads like a first-aid manual. This is a life-saver. Patiently but not the least bit condescending or patronizing, he provides an intuitive and realistic methodology and framework to try "when everything else seems to have failed." He addresses a wide range of concerns (for ages toddler thru teen, for both the home and school environment), outlines the pitfalls, and compares his ideas with other parenting strategies "on the market." In doing so, he gives a frustrated parent the inspiration for a fresh start on life with a challenging child, thus rekindling and re-emphasizing the importance of the love we tend to forget in the heat of our frustrated struggle to deal with our chaotic family lives.
Dr. Greene's fundamental premise is that "explosive kids" are not deliberately being "difficult" or "attention-seeking" but, rather, are looking for and in need of our parental guidance, often desperately so. An inflexible-explosive child (his preferred term for the unofficial "syndrome" that lies behind the title of the book) may simply not have the ability (for any number for reasons, which Dr. Greene discusses in the first chapters of "Explosive Child") to deal with a given situtation, or express his or her frustration, and instead express frustration in ways that we as parents invariably find exacerbating. The scary process where our negative reaction to their behavior feeds more anxiety and frustration, leading to a meltdown, is analyzed in all its gory detail, with an emphasis on the choices we as parents can and must make to avoid the "descent into hell". Anyone who has been there will cringe with the pain of recognition of the examples he gives. While building his case for a step-by-step process intended to prevent rather than react to meltdowns he shows a tremendous degree of compassion both for our children and for us parents, as well as a clear understanding of the challenges we face on a daily basis. In straightforward language with some compelling case studies, but without ever claiming that his solutions will necessarily be easy to implement or fool-proof, he provides an invaluable contribution to our understanding of our children, our roles as parents, and the dynamics (controlled or otherwise) that exist between us.
His apparent and heartfelt belief that "difficult" children more than anything need and deserve unconditional love, and his compelling conviction that there is a way for us as parents to give them what they need in a way that gradually strenghtens the child and the family as a whole, makes this book an incredibly rewarding read. His coverage of the concept of the explosive child is comprehensive, even if his chapters on options for medication (and the worst-case scenario of institutionalization) make for scary reading for those of us who still fervently believe that we can in fact make headway without resorting to such harsh measures. We all have an ally and friend in Dr. Greene.
Rating: 5
Summary: I LOVE THIS BOOK!!!
Comment: This book is a must read for almost ANY parent and certainly for parents of difficult, challenging kids. It has helped me understand why our son has "meltdowns" and how to deal with them without making them worse. The book has helped me feel less self-blame for my son's outbursts and thereby less anger at him - and has given me real tools for helping him to understand himself. I have purchased many copies to give to our close friends and family, and have recommended it to my own patients (I am a psychotherapist myself), to help them with their kids and even their relatives' kids.
The book focuses first of all on really explaining the various neurological and psychological processes that cause certain kids to become overwhelmed and to act in ways that are controlling, resistant, demanding and out of control. It applies to a variety of diagnosible and non-diagnosed situations, including but not limited to: ADHD, Sensory Integration Dysfunction, Tourette's, BiPolar Disorder, and Oppositional Defiant Disorder. By understanding the behavior in terms that are clear and non-technical, at the same time scientifically sound, parents are allowed to feel compassion for their kids struggles instead of frustration and blame. Greene then offers some very clear approaches for determining which behavior to be strict about, which to ignore completely and which to begin working on with your child. He then offers specific ways to work on these behaviors. The book is full of clinical examples in which I'm sure everyone will recognize themselves or their situation in at least one if not more. I just can't say enough about what a great book this is and how grateful I am to have had it recommended to me.
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