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Title: Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward, Donna Frazier ISBN: 0-06-092897-2 Publisher: Quill Pub. Date: 01 April, 1998 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $13.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.78 (37 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: This book brings a lot of clarity !!!
Comment: I am an emotional blackmailer, I just had no idea until I read this book. It was suggested to me by my soon to be ex- husband who couldn't take it anymore. I thought I was being strong and standing my ground and this book helped me to see that I was emotionally bullying other people. I beleived I was always right and no human being can be. It also helped me to see that it doesn't matter if you are wrong or right, making another person feel as if they must agree with you or they are "bad" is not OK. I was using the behaviors descibed in the book to protect myself from being hurt and have hurt sooooo many others in the process. If you're a person who always feels like a victim or have no idea why so many people don't like you when you think you're such a wonderful person READ IT!!!
Rating: 5
Summary: Outstanding book--truly helpful!
Comment: This book does a very clear job of defining emotional blackmail so you can begin to easily spot emotional blackmailers in your life. It then concludes with telling you specifically how to deal with emotional blackmail, that is, how to keep your energy, resources, and sometimes your very soul, from being stolen by them.
Something that was particularly important for me personally in the book was the part at the end where she talks about not emotionally blackmailing *yourself*! What an insight! I realized that even when rigid, controlling people are not around to inspire guilt, fear and shame in me to get me to do things that are hurtful to me for their selfish benefit, I have a "voice" in my head that does the job for them, telling me that whatever I do that doesn't fit the world view of past and present blackmailers is "wrong," "selfish," or even "evil." So I beat myself up on behalf of my blackmailers even when they are not around to do it.
I also was impressed by the insight that not only does it "take two to tango," that no one can blackmail me if I don't let them, but that it is also possible for me to actually "train" people to blackmail me. This is particularly, true, I think, for those of us raised in rigid, controlling homes with emotionally blackmailing parents. Thereafter, we are, so to speak, fertile ground for any future emotional blackmailers.
I had rather been realizing these sorts of things the past few years now that I'm in my 40s (the middle years when we suddenly reevaluate our whole life), and gradually eliminating emotional blackmailers from my life, without exactly using that term. (The term I used was ridding myself of people whose presence felt like "being nibbled to death by ducks.") This book has validated my innate human "right" to not be eaten alive by the selfish demands of others.
Kudos to Ms. Forward!
Rating: 5
Summary: RISE ABOVE YOUR RAISING - HOSTAGE NO LONGER
Comment: I strongly recommend this book for anyone seeking to find help with mood disorders, any type of addiction, identity issues, self-esteem issues, reoccurring unresolved anger and troubling relationship issues.
Excellent compliments to this book are: The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen; Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy by Karl Heinz Brisch and Kenneth Kronenberg; Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler; The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman; Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson; Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown; Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender.
And if you want to pursue the subject even further, you may be interested in reading The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective On Marital Treatment; Addicted to Unhappiness: Free yourself from the moods and behaviors that undermine relationships, work and the life you want by Martha Heineman Pieper and William Pieper; Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.
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Title: Toxic Parents: Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life by Susan Forward ISBN: 0553381407 Publisher: Bantam Books Pub. Date: 02 January, 2002 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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Title: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents by Nina W. Brown ISBN: 1572242310 Publisher: New Harbinger Publications Pub. Date: 30 March, 2001 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Why Is It Always About You? : The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss, James F. Masterson ISBN: 0743214285 Publisher: Free Press Pub. Date: 07 August, 2003 List Price(USD): $12.00 |
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Title: Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans ISBN: 158062569X Publisher: Adams Media Corporation Pub. Date: 01 January, 2002 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: If You Had Controlling Parents : How to Make Peace with Your Past and Take Your Place in the World by Dan Neuharth ISBN: 0060929324 Publisher: Quill Pub. Date: 01 October, 1999 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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