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Title: After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms Spring, Michael Spring, Michael Spring ISBN: 0-06-017236-3 Publisher: Harpercollins Pub. Date: 01 April, 1996 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $23.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.06 (53 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: Sanity Saver Supreme
Comment: Learning of my husband of 35 year's infidelity to me was the greatest shock of my life, bar none. He had an illustrious 32 year military career as a chaplain and was never unfaithful to me even though there was a great deal of traveling and being in tempting situations. I have always loved him with all my heart and absolutely trusted him completely. Even he is at a loss to explain how this situation came about; we both think he temporarily lost his mind in the chemical bath of lust and deceit. His affair lasted two months and was with a co-worker who is four years older than our son. I never saw this coming at all, I thought he was stressed out or perhaps in a depression.
We are both going to seperate therapists and hope to eventually go to marriage couseling together. In the meantime, this book has been an absolute sanity saver for me. I have recommended it to my counselor! There have been moments when it was almost unbearable to read the reality being spelled out on its pages. I would put it down, have a good cry, walk around the block and then pick it up again to start over. The searing pain to my psyche and soul have been immeasurable, but learning that what I am experiencing is normal and that I am not unique in this gut-wrenching hell of an experience has been a balm to my soul. BUY THIS BOOK! It will assist a great deal in helping you to understand what is happening to you and what you can do about it.
My husband couldn't understand why I have been so overcome with fear and terror. Practically the first pages of the book, under "Discovery", lay out every feeling I was experiencing and emphasized fear three times in the list of emotions experienced. He had an "aha" experience when he read that.
By the way, although I am do believe I am blameless in my husband's choices, it has been helpful and useful to begin examing the dynamics of our marriage. I am going on faith alone that we will come out of this with a better marriage, which seems unbelievable at this point, however my therapist assures me that she has seen MANY couples reach that point, although it is down a very long, long road and after lots of hard work. The book helps you know where to start and how to navigate. I am so grateful it is available!! Also, this has been the one book my husband has been willing to read, even if only in paragraphs and sections. It has led to some helpful discussions between us.
Lastly, peace to all who come this way--it is needed.
Rating: 5
Summary: Three Years Later
Comment: If you suspect your spouse is having an affair, or if you know for sure an affair is occuring--YOU NEED THIS BOOK!!! If your suffering and think your losing your mind; or, if your on a road traveling from one extreme emotion to another---YOU NEED THIS BOOK When your suffering on such a magnificent scale, you need serious help. This book will provide you with that help. It will give you all the background knowledge you need--for both partners. She gives advice and information to the cheating spouse AND the faithful spouse. With her help, I was able to see that it wasn't ALL my fault, nor was it ALL his fault. She explains what the typical reactions of both parties are, and how to respond to those reactions. I found myself running back to read, and reread, sections that were pertinent to my situation, over and over again. My husband would say, or do something so typical of people involved in affairs, and I'd have already read about it. I can't even explain to you how much that helped me. I guess knowing what to expect kept ME from responding in unhealthy ways, at least most of the time. I won't say that it was easy to read some of the things she said, especially the section about revealing an affair to your partner, but it was enlightening and non-biased, nonetheless.
Today, three years later, we are still married. Our marriage is a LONG way from being healed, but it is also a long way from the unhealthy realationship that it was.
Whenever I think back on those painful, raw nerve, early days of our recovery, I am forever grateful to Dr. Abrahms for writing this book.
Rating: 1
Summary: Affairs not bad?Seriously lacks compassion/understanding
Comment: Perfect for making the betrayer feel better -- see 5 star reviews are often from betrayers not the betrayed.
This is rough reading from the start. In the intro chapter, the author makes the statement that she doesn't classify affairs as bad or good. She then proceeds to formally state that both partners are responsible for the affair occuring. Not responsible for issues in the relationship, but directly responsible for the affair. For many this is pure baloney!!! She has very little compassion for the betrayed and it is clear even in the intro. If you are the betrayer, you will love this book. If you are the betrayed, this book may actually be traumatic to read. You will feel no empathy from Spring. She talks about people who are essentially describing how they feel they have been disemboweled and their guts are everywhere as 'normal' and again w/o empathy. She practically says, see those intestines, that is normal, now step over the mess and lets proceed with how they helped cause the betrayal.
I continued reading until I really couldn't take it anymore. I think it is written so callously it is scary. It is perfect for the betrayer who doesn't want to feel too bad. So if you are the spouse who did not cheat, tread cautiously, you may actually find yourself feeling really betrayed by Spring as well.
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Title: Surviving Infidelity: Making Decisions, Recovering from the Pain by Rona Subotnik, Gloria Harris ISBN: 1580621376 Publisher: Adams Media Corporation Pub. Date: 01 May, 1999 List Price(USD): $10.95 |
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Title: Repairing Your Marriage After His Affair : A Guide for Healing and Rebuilding Trust by Armand DiMele, Marcella Bakur Weiner, Marcella Bakur Weiner ISBN: 0761509631 Publisher: Prima Lifestyles Pub. Date: September, 1998 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: Straight Talk About Betrayal: A Self-Help Guide for Couples by Donna R. Bellafiore ISBN: 0966875907 Publisher: Drb Alternatives Inc Pub. Date: 20 January, 1999 List Price(USD): $5.95 |
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Title: Not "Just Friends" : Protect Your Relationship from Infidelity and Heal the Trauma of Betrayal by Shirley Glass ISBN: 074322549X Publisher: Free Press Pub. Date: 31 December, 2002 List Price(USD): $25.00 |
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Title: Surviving an Affair by Willard F. Harley Jr., Jennifer H. Chalmers ISBN: 0800717589 Publisher: Revell Pub. Date: 01 October, 1998 List Price(USD): $19.99 |
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