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Title: Forgiving the Unforgivable by Beverly Flanigan ISBN: 0-02-032230-5 Publisher: John Wiley & Sons Pub. Date: 01 June, 1994 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.99 |
Average Customer Rating: 3.6 (10 reviews)
Rating: 2
Summary: Jargon, jargon, jargon.
Comment: Flanigan's book seems to address those who have been injured on a deep level and must go through a series of exercises in order to "name the injurer", "claim the injury", "identify the injury," etc. If you have suffered a horrific injury (especially as a child) and are unsure of how to come to terms with reclaiming your life, this may be the book for you. Flanigan defines "unforgivable" injuries as those which compromise our well-being, self-esteem and general trust in others. If you have suffered a different type of injury, such as betrayal or deceit, I recommend any of Smedes' books to navigate your way through the forgiving process. Good luck!
Rating: 5
Summary: This book was a big help to me.
Comment: My relationship of 3 1/2 years recently ended when my partner left me for another woman. I had no warning that this was coming and was devastated by the abrupt ending. I had foolishly believed that we were both happy. Because I am a believer in attitudinal healing I wanted to be able to forgive. But I was just so hurt and so angry that I couldn't find my way to the forgiveness that would bring back my peace of mind. Then I found this book. It started out by validating all of the feelings that I had ... and explaining how I had lost much more than just the relationship. It then offered practical advice and case studies to help get through the 6 steps for forgiveness. If I had not read this book, I would still be in a much darker place right now. I highly recommend it to those of you suffering from intimate woulds and unforgivable offenses.
Rating: 4
Summary: Clarification of injurer/injury/injured distinctions
Comment: and Your core beliefs about these distinctions, could provide you some relief/release from you current bondage. While I fundamentally DO believe in forgiveness, my process for arriving at forgiveness always felt more like avoidance or hyper vigilance towards life's risks. For me, it entailed extremes of passive (my needs are irrelevant) at one end, or aggressive(your needs are irrelevant)at the other end. (rather than an assertive approach which tries to accommodate both parties needs - at first this is 'harder' to do; you need to be much more aware of the present moment and of what is really so for you as well as for the person you're dealing with). The processes in this book gave me a way to examine my assumptions about what did/did not and/or should/should not have happened; it helped me to become more clear about issues of control and trust; and ultimately learning the wisdom of spreading the trust around, even trusting that I can learn to actively cope with my errors in judgement. Some of the book's 'blaming' and 'punishing' exercises (very hard for me) helped me see that while certain perpetrators could have/should have known (forseen) the damage that would result from their behavior, that damaging me was (in most cases) not their primary objective. Book also was very 'validating' of my experiences of therapists/friends/family lack of capacity to really look at the injury/rage and what the injury/rage means in it's entirety (not just the negative and/or not just the positive aspects). Again, for some of us, it's not so helpful to hear 'yeah, people suck, what are ya gonna do?' or 'just get over it', or 'just forget it', or 'hey, look on the bright side'. Helped me to go from being deeply resigned (hopeless and helpless) to more aware and 'acceptant'of entirety of human nature (both the positive and the negative) and more aware of specifically what I'm really left with after the injury. Hey, for three bucks for a used copy of the book, you can't go wrong. Attaining forgiveness is such a relief !!! Good luck.
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Title: How to Forgive When You Can't Forget: Healing Our Personal Relationships by Charles Klein ISBN: 0425160041 Publisher: Berkley Pub Group Pub. Date: October, 1997 List Price(USD): $12.00 |
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Title: Forgive for Good by Frederic Luskin ISBN: 006251721X Publisher: Harper SanFrancisco Pub. Date: 21 January, 2003 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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Title: Forgiveness Is a Choice: A Step-By-Step Process for Resolving Anger and Restoring Hope (Apa Lifetools) by Robert D. Enright ISBN: 1557987572 Publisher: American Psychological Association (APA) Pub. Date: August, 2001 List Price(USD): $19.95 |
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Title: Art of Forgiving by Lewis B. Smedes ISBN: 034541344X Publisher: Ballantine Books Pub. Date: 12 August, 1997 List Price(USD): $12.00 |
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Title: Exploring Forgiveness by Robert D. Enright, Joanna North, Desmond Mpilo Tutu ISBN: 0299157741 Publisher: University of Wisconsin Press Pub. Date: May, 1998 List Price(USD): $16.95 |
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