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Title: The Forgiving Place: Choosing Peace After Violent Trauma by Amrianne Williamson, Richard Ray Gayton, Marianne Williamson ISBN: 1-58741-087-7 Publisher: Wellness Institute Pub. Date: August, 2001 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $17.95

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Average Customer Rating: 5 (2 reviews)

Rating: 5
Summary: USA Today Review
Comment: The Forgiving Place: Choosing Peace After Violent Trauma. (book review by Hyatt)
USA Today (Magazine), March, 2002

THE FORGIVING PLACE: Choosing Peace After Violent Trauma BY RICHARD R. GAYTON SELFHELP BOOKS 2001,217 PAGES, $17.95

It is artful to write a book at just the right time. Publishing it electronically a second time is also to be lauded, not only as an art in its own right, but for making it available to a new, eager audience who undoubtedly has been made ready for its timeless content by their own brutal, horrendous experiences. The terror which has impacted most Americans since the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks of Sept. 11, for example, multiplies many times the need for such a publication. The author states it succinctly: "Forgiveness means freeing ourselves to stop hating. It has to do with stopping our agony. When we hate others, or ourselves, we feel the pain of hating and we hurt those we love with our unhappiness."

In 1987, Richard R. Gayton's world was ravaged by troubled violence. Two people murdered his wife during a robbery, and they remain in prison. "My hatred and wish for their deaths have been changed to concern for their well being and for the two million other Americans who live behind bars," he writes. The horrors during the destruction of the World Trade Center instilled disgust and vindictiveness in not only family and friends of the guiltless victims, but in the minds and hearts of most Americans, including myself. Some of us still harbor and are consumed by a variety of negative and destructive feelings--all of which can be categorized under the verbal umbrella of "hate."

In strongly recommending this book to such readers, my hope is to lay the groundwork for a transformation similar to that experienced by Gayton--a transition, in my opinion, which represents the highest potential of all humans. Let me assure those readers who tend to look askance at the approaches of "do-gooders" and "social workers" that I fully respect a diversity of views to most issues, and this one may certainly draw significant individual differences. Everybody has the right to think through and come to grips with each particular issue of concern.

An important consideration is that forgiving does not require a particular type of horrific event outside of yourself, such as a murdered wife or innocent victims slaughtered in a bombed building. It may simply relate to "hating" yourself, for what you have done or think you may have done. Forgiving yourself may be one of the hardest acts you've ever attempted. Self-hatred is a terrible feeling that keeps grinding away at the soul. How much punishment have you already meted out to yourself over the past days, months, or years? Peace of mind is elusive when self-hatred lies by its side. The operative term is "release" from hatred. Your new goal, in short, must be to relieve yourself of the stress and strain of hating others as well as yourself. Growing kinder and reducing rage are behaviors that can be learned. The Forgiving Place teaches us how to reach such goals.

Throughout the book's 12 chapters, readers will find guidance and support from well-chosen quotations of brilliant individuals from many walks of life. Gayton's teaching approach is practical and down-to-earth, even as its content often deals with abstract and spiritual ideas and experiences. His writing style is not stilted or brittle. A gentleness always underlies his powerful messages and advice. He is supportive, optimistic, and fully aware of the difficulties of the task. The book moves along at a comfortable pace as it stimulates the potential of readers' thinking, feeling, and believing. Both theistic and atheistic beliefs are acceptable; a sense of spirituality is possible for each.

Throughout the book's 12 chapters, readers will find guidance and support from well-chosen quotations of brilliant individuals from any walks of life. Gayton's teaching approach is practical and down to earth, even as its content often deals with abstract and spiritual ideas and experiences. His writing style is not stilted or brittle. A gentleness always underlies his powerful messages and advice. He is supportive, optimistic, and fully aware of the difficulties of the task. The book moves along at a comfortable pace as it stimulates the potential of readers' thinking, feeling and belieiving. Both theisitic and atheistic beliefs are acceptable; a sense of spirituality is possible for each.

Rating: 5
Summary: Library Journal March 15, 1995
Comment: (Found this review in Library Journal) by January Adams ODSI Research Librarian Those who have had a loved one harmed in a violent act face a very different grieving process, according to psychologist Gayton, whose wige was murdered during a robberty at their home. As the author details his reactions to this horrific event, the reader is given an intimate look at his transition from shock and outrage to resolution--a journey that took him five years to complete. Interwoven is Gayton's advice on how readers can work through their own experiences. Although other books exist on how to weather life's tragedies (i.e. Catherine Sander's Surviving Grief and Learning to Live Again), this book is unique in that it concentrates on handling the emotional legacy of intentional and senseless brutality. Given our society's increasing vilence, this work will surely find an expanding audience, recommended for public libraries.