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When I Was Five I Killed Myself

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Title: When I Was Five I Killed Myself
by Howard Buten
ISBN: 1-58567-039-1
Publisher: Overlook Press
Pub. Date: 01 June, 2000
Format: Hardcover
Volumes: 1
List Price(USD): $23.95
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Average Customer Rating: 4.67 (12 reviews)

Customer Reviews

Rating: 4
Summary: a moving piece of writing
Comment: "When I was Five I Killed Myself" is a breathaking book, particularly due to its simplicity. This book, told in the first person by an eight-year-old character named Burt, rings with truth. You will recognize feelings you had, things you saw, all the trauma and oddity of your childhood life.

But what's most striking about the book is its ambiguity. Critics on the book's back cover and inset, not to mention other readers, see this as a story of a "disturbed" little boy. Though he clearly has some intense emotional outbursts, and has an imagination that is the stuff of envy, not to mention a serious eye for detail and verbal gifts, it's tough to find any evidence that he is, in fact, as his doctor told him, "a very sick little boy."

Which is the point of the whole book, and what makes it so unnerving: Committed to a house for the emotionally ill and handicapped, surrounded by autists and people with far more glaring problems, you're left asking yourself why. Though his frequent outbursts - or "conniption fits" as he calls them - are intense, so are the qualities he has that we find so precious in children: his honesty, morality, and heart. It would seem that he is there for the adult world's misunderstanding. Rather than suffering an illness, he is made to suffer a prison sentence away from the very people he should be nearest: his loving family.

It's a quick read and a marvel of virtuosity, and it's completely convincing and heart-rending. A very good read.

Rating: 4
Summary: Thought provoking and disturbing
Comment: The life of eight year old Burton Rembrandt is brought to us through his eyes and voice, and what a story it is. While seemingly normal in so many ways, there is also a profoundly troubling element to his young life. After a traumatic event occurs, Burton is sent to the "Children's Trust Residence Center" for treatment. Burton's behavior and motivation proves to be baffling for the staff, with the exception of one young Doctor who tries to help and befriend him. This is a profound and unsettling little book, that will make you painfully aware of how fine the line is between normal and disturbed.

Rating: 5
Summary: When I was Five...
Comment: This is a beautiful novel. Getting frustrated not being able to find novel "novels" to suit my taste I stumbled upon this gem during my "reading crisis" and started to read it. I admit, I was intrigued by the title and that is why i snatched it from its warm surrounding in the store. Experiencing the mind and situations from Burt's view is a different experience. We all try to remember what it was like when we were kids, but this is different. There are nuances and traits in here that we forget. Innocence that we as adults cannot fathom anymore. And through Burt's writings we are also seeing how a child's mind will piece together a history of experiences and illusions to convey a thread reality. Buten, a clinical psychologist and performing artist (Buffo the clown) doesn't just present an 8-year-old character. He brings that child to life. I have a friend that has 10 year old son. I have known these two for a few years. As I was reading this book I could hear all everything in Chris' voice.

This book keeps hidden the reason why Burt is in the Children's Trust Residence Center until the end. The ending reveals a warmth, compassion and yet a haunting feeling. Very moving.

I want to say more, but I don't want to take away from anyone's reading experience, should they read this.

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