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Title: Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin With Your Spouse by Shmuel Boteach, Shmuley Boteach ISBN: 1-58062-792-7 Publisher: Adams Media Corporation Pub. Date: 01 September, 2002 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $23.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.5 (6 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: A New Spin on the Ten Commandments
Comment: This is a gem of a book.
Like David Schnarch's "Passionate Marriage," this book should be required reading before anyone "ties the knot of Holy Vows."
What this book is *not* is an invitation to open marriage, or adultery per se:
"Adultery serves a double wrong; first, because it betrays a marriage and causes terrible pain to one's spouse; and second, because it robs a marriage of the input it needs to survive and prosper. On a more individual level, adultery erodes, if not utterly destroys, the faith and trust that one partner has in the other. Worse, it causes an almost incurable feeling of inadequacy that the partner who has been cheated on cannot shake.... What is particularly unjust about this... is that it is the *victim* who feels responsible."
What Rabbi Boteach advocates is harnessing the inevitable, blind, biological tendency to adultery to supercharge and strengthen traditional, monogamous marriage:
"Just suppose...
*Husbands could never afford to become complacent because they were married to voracious sexual seductresses that constantly need to be re-seduced.
*Wives became the living embodiment of a man's sexual fantasies -- a woman with an insatiable appetite who would do anything for sex.
If this were to occur, would men still need to turn to manufactured porn entertainment when the real thing is in their bedrooms? Would it not lead us to be constantly attracted to our partners?"
Boteach conveys an immense amount of originality in his discussion of what makes marriage work and, conversely, what wrecks it. And what Boteach calls upon as his primary source is the Decalogue, particularly the Tenth Commandment: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbor's."
This Commandment, Boteach maintains, implies a husband *is* to LUST after his *own* wife. Similarly, Boteach argues that sex is a most holy gift given by a Benign Creator to enlighten and elevate humanity, and refutes the Darwinian message that men and women are mere mechanical automata -- inevitably behaving like animals -- rather than created in the image of God. The business of being truly human, the Rabbi argues, is to transcend our natures: in this case, to be passionately monogamous for a lifetime.
For Rabbi Boteach, sexuality -- fiery, passionate sexuality -- is the very core of every successful marriage. Just as it is not "compatibility" a spouse seeks in a fling, so it is not "compatibility" that holds a lively and life-affirming marriage together: what holds marriage together *primarily* is steamy, passionate eroticism.
A wonderfully written, and immensely pleasurable read.
Highly recommended.
Rating: 5
Summary: It's saving my marriage!
Comment: I've been married just over 7 years, and things have been getting... stale. Nothing ACTIVELY wrong, but nothing terribly right either.
I happened across this book, and it's changing everything. I do not think his premise (as stated in another review) is that trust kills marriages... I read it more as 'if all you have is trust and steadiness, you don't have a true marriage, you're basically friends'.
At first glance, some of his ideas did make me bristle a bit... but when I CONSIDERED why they made me bristle, I realized that it was because I knew deep down that these things would improve my marriage but I'd chosen to let them go. ("Ancient underwear? No big deal - nobody sees them but hubby." ??? Who's more important than hubby??)
Read the book with an open mind, try its ideas, and see your marriage grow and deepen!
Rating: 5
Summary: This book renewed my faith in marriage
Comment: I want to get a copy of this for all my married friends and family! I'm not Jewish, nor particularly religious, but this is the most pratical marriage guide i've ever seen. Yes, you have to take many (most?) of his comments with the wink with which Rabbi Boteach writes them, but underneath are some of the greatest hidden truths about love and marriage. If you take his statements literally (e.g., "Trust destroys most marriages"), you can find much to disagree with, but if you listen to what he's saying underneath (e.g., "Reclaim the passion and mystery of your mate"), you will find it very inspiring. Rabbi Boteach makes the point: if marriage is about trust and comfort and caring and being friends, why not just stay with our parents or siblings. Of course it's about all those things, but the point is, it's also about experiencing the miracles of passion and lust and lovemaking with abandon. As he points out, more marriages are killed by the slow rot of boredom and complacency than by affairs. The good Rabbi has a fantastic sense of humor. He often comes across machho and traditional in his outlook, but his lightness of being (the twinkle in his eye) comes through loud and clear if you read with an open mind. I enthusiastically recommend this to anyone of any faith who is married or contemplating marriage. In fact, I think it should be required reading for any one who wants to entertain a long-term relationship!!!
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Title: Kosher Sex: A Recipe for Passion and Intimacy by Shmuel Boteach, Shmuley Boteach ISBN: 0385494661 Publisher: Main Street Books Pub. Date: 18 January, 2000 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Why Can't I Fall in Love? A 12-Step Program by Shmuley Boteach ISBN: 006098841X Publisher: ReganBooks Pub. Date: 30 April, 2002 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: The Private Adam: Becoming a Hero in a Selfish Age by Shmuel Boteach ISBN: 0060393475 Publisher: ReganBooks Pub. Date: 06 May, 2003 List Price(USD): $24.95 |
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Title: Heavenly Sex: Sexuality in the Jewish Tradition by Ruth K. Westheimer, Jonathan Mark ISBN: 0826409040 Publisher: Continuum International Publishing Group Pub. Date: 01 June, 1996 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
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Title: The Dating Secrets of the 10 Commandments by Shmuel Boteach ISBN: 0767905601 Publisher: Broadway Books Pub. Date: 16 January, 2001 List Price(USD): $19.00 |
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