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Title: Verbal Abuse Survivors Speak Out; On relationship and recovery by Patricia Evans ISBN: 1-55850-304-8 Publisher: Adams Media Corporation Pub. Date: September, 1993 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $10.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.68 (22 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: AUTHOR REVIEW
Comment: I read Verbal Abuse: Survivors Speak Out and was impressed with the overall message of hope and recovery. Readers will be treated to a variety of stories that will help in the healing process.
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John D. Moore
Author of Confusing Love with Obsession: When You Can't Stop Controlling Your Partner & the Relationship
Rating: 2
Summary: sad, if anything
Comment: Almost working as a lengthy footnote to her original book, "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", "Survivors Speak Out" is 100% geared toward women; a quality which the author freely admits in the introduction, and which is the very quality that makes it ultimately questionable and sometimes downright dangerous.
The segments which are primarily quotes from survivors of verbal/emotional abuse are both sad and moving. We hear of women who are just beginning to start their lives again after living with a bully for 40 years. Others are much too young, only beginning to discover a sense of self and inner strength after marrying to essentially escape parental rule. Their pain and misery comes across on paper like bolts.
What hurts more here, are the constant sexist, male-bashing comments attended thereto by Evans. She still refuses to back away from her stance that abuse is perpetrated 99% of the time by men against women, and still asserts that abusive behavior is not borne of psychological issues or childhood dysfunction in which gender is not an issue, but of a patriarchal plot to destroy all women, and after awhile it is as laughable as it is annoying.
She claims in this book that it's abusive when a man asks aloud to no one in particular, "Where are my keys?". It gets to the point where no sentence uttered by a man is without abusive, controlling intent, whereas Evans's ideals of mutuality in relationships adds up to nothing more than a completely unrealistic, enmeshed love fantasy. By her theories, all men have an innate, uncontrollable desire to oppress and control women, and this is patently abusrd, as well as highly misandrous.
Evans seems to present a very good model and description, and categorization of what abuse is, albeit highly peppered with a lethal dose of venemous 1970's radical feminism, the kind of feminism that empowers women by blaming men. At no point in the book does she ever examine a man's opinion of the relationship, unless they are writing in to "confess" that they have been abusive.
No, no one brings abuse upon themselves, and no victim is to blame for having suffered it. But Evans preaches hate, teaches to rage back ("Stop It NOW!"), and remain stuck in victimhood forever, rather than discovering personal power and self-esteem.
A quick surf through the FAQ in this book (and her own online message board) reveals that Evans is incapable of, or refuses to address any legitimate challenge to her theories, and any dissenting opinion or close examination of her theories (which crumble easily under close inspection) are quickly deemed "abuse".
By this book, Evans has in a way created her very own language, where everyone has to carefully measure every word chosen, and where no man can open his mouth once without being accused of abuse. Her drooling followers are legion; angry, aggressive, blaming.
I would encourage extreme caution in reading this book. It tells very clearly what abuse is, but hasn't a clue as to what to do about it.
Rating: 5
Summary: you are not alone or crazy!!!! read this book
Comment: This book is great for those who are survivors, and those who want to get out of an abusive relationship. I found myself crying tears of joy reading this book, because I realized that I was not crazy and that I was not alone. I recognized myself in its stories. Read it, heal with it, carry it around, and live by it. It can help you change your life and help you heal from this misunderstood and hidden abusive cyle.
I also highly reccomend her other books. The reason that so many of these reviews have the same words in them, I am guessing, is that victims of verbal abuse go through the same things, and then feel the same way. It is amazing. Only other survivors can understand.
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