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Title: Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grrenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler, Anna Fields ISBN: 0-9724889-0-1 Publisher: American Media International Pub. Date: June, 2003 Format: Audio CD Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $28.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.58 (38 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: These techniques really work!
Comment: I bought this book after undergoing a first, miserable mediation session with my soon-to-be-exhusband. The stakes are high--it's our property settlement, and my husband had been cashing out the savings and spending them, while leaving me to take care of the 2 mortgages and other obligations. It was easy, but not very productive, to point out where I felt he was wrong.
I started reading Crucial Conversations and using the tools as well as I could, while watching our mediator model them. I stopped participating in the accuse/counter-accuse game, and focused on bringing information to the table, while I used the crucial conversation tools to keep our discussions productive.
The book starts out with a self-assessment to determine your own communications strengths and weaknesses.
My biggest faux-pas with my husband was to cause Respect violations. The CC tools gave me a usable set of actions to take to set things back on track:
* Apologize (I'm sorry if that sounded disrespectful.)
* Contrast (I don't want to make you out to be the bad guy, I'm just concerned that I won't have any funds left to cover the emergencies.)
* CRIB
- Commit to seek mutual purpose (I'll stay in this process as long as it takes for us to reach agreement.)
- Recognize the purpose behind his strategy (It's understandable that you're unhappy with our situation and that you're trying to do something to feel better.)
- Invent a mutual purpose (I want us both to be happy and secure after the divorce.)
- Brainstorm new strategies (Maybe we can just focus on the numbers for now, and put off worrying about how we're going to divide things until later.
Using these tools has kept the dialogue moving forward, and we're very close to agreement, after just two more sessions.
The Crucial Conversations tools won't change another person who's determined to be unreasonable into a perfectly cooperative person, but they will give you a sane way to stay in dialogue and still hold the other person accountable for his or her own irrational attitudes and behavior.
I think this book is a must-have for anyone who has had a hard time dealing with conflict. I'll be reaching for it again, I know.
Rating: 5
Summary: Powerful & Actionable Way to Produce Results When It Matters
Comment: Communication problems are everywhere ... and so are potential solutions! I've seen a lot of books and training programs that purport to teach people to be more effective communicators. Most teach tried-and-true, but old-and-generic, understandings and skills that help people become somewhat more effective. They do not, however, teach people to be really effective in those few important communication challenges that really matter. That is the contribution of Crucial Conversations. In my consulting practice, I've noticed repeatedly that many managers and executives don't take on the tough issues or don't handle them well or, even worse, handle them in a way that creates positive harm in their relationship with others. When I talk to them about their situations, I find that they know they can be better communicators on tough issues; they just don't know how! That's where Crucial Conversations adds real value. In my experience, the conceptual model and skill set captured in this book are, at the same time, both powerful and actionable! And, you will like the way this book is written...a series of good examples (from work and non-work settings) to exemplify each point and help readers relate to the principles and skills. I find myself regularly sending this book to people who are "stuck" and who need a new way to think about how they can take a more active, and more powerful, role in producing the results they want.
Rating: 5
Summary: If You Like Dr. Phil, You'll Love Crucial Conversations
Comment: I began reading "Crucial Conversations" with a great deal of skepticism. I had previously read a number of other books in the genre, and always felt them less than filling -- too much theory and too little practical advice. In fact, the only self-help book that I had read in recent years that was remotely helpful was Dr. Phil McGraw's "Self Matters." But as good as that book is, I still found it a bit lacking in direction. I was looking for something more.
And I found it in "Crucial Conversations." The book was simple to read, clear of psychobabble jargon, and straight to the point. More than anything, the book made an enormous amount of sense. I had known for along time that my personal and professional conversations were less successful than they should have been, but I didn't know why. By clearly delineating the requirements for a successful, mutually beneficial conversation, "Crucial Conversations" identified for me the key steps that I needed to take on my own to hold more successful conversations in which both the other party and I could find a way to achieve at least some of what we wanted.
Even more than that, "Crucial Conversations" helped me to understand why so much of what other people said during emotionally charged conversations bothered me. It's impossible, of course, to change someone else's behavior, but by understanding the reasons for what they say, I have found it possible to alter my own behavior to make it safer for them to converse in a mutually beneficial way.
Most interesting, I thought, was the way in which "Crucial Conversations" highlights the way in which most of us quickly resort to either silence or violence in conversations. Just by naming these behaviors, the book can make each of us more conscious of the way we current converse with others -- and of how we should talk if we want to get more of what we want.
I can honestly say that "Crucial Conversations" has made a night-and-day difference in my ability to communicate effectively with others. I strongly recommend it to anyone who finds his or her conversations with those closest to them less satisfying than they might like. A true life-changer!
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Title: Execution: The Discipline of Getting Things Done by Larry Bossidy, Ram Charan, Charles Burck ISBN: 0609610570 Publisher: Crown Publishing Group Pub. Date: 11 June, 2002 List Price(USD): $27.50 |
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Title: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen, Roger Fisher ISBN: 014028852X Publisher: Penguin USA (Paper) Pub. Date: 03 April, 2000 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time by Susan Scott ISBN: 0670031240 Publisher: Viking Press Pub. Date: 12 September, 2002 List Price(USD): $25.95 |
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Title: Start with NO...The Negotiating Tools that the Pros Don't Want You to Know by Jim Camp ISBN: 0609608002 Publisher: Crown Publishing Group Pub. Date: 09 July, 2002 List Price(USD): $22.95 |
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Title: The Five Dysfunctions of a Team: A Leadership Fable by Patrick M. Lencioni ISBN: 0787960756 Publisher: Jossey-Bass Pub. Date: 19 March, 2002 List Price(USD): $22.95 |
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