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Title: Absent Fathers, Lost Sons : The Search for Masculine Identity by Guy Corneau ISBN: 0-87773-603-0 Publisher: Shambhala Pub. Date: 27 March, 1991 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $19.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 3.86 (7 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: The book I'd been looking for all my life
Comment: The picture on the cover of this book illustrates exactly how I have felt my whole life. This book has been a great help to me for years, and I wonder why more books like this aren't available; I had searched and searched for that book that described exactly what I was experiencing and how to heal from it, and I had all but given up, concluding that such a book had not been written and that no one else had ever experienced what I have. As "fate" would have it, I would soon stumble across ABSENT FATHERS, LOST SONS. I felt vindicated. I have found other books that have been very helpful for me, but this book feels as though it were written specifically for me. And since others have found this book helpful, I realize that I in fact am not alone in what I have experienced.
Guy Corneau has noticed what I have: he opens by saying that males in general have more developmental problems than women, and therefore it is puzzling that more is not being done to help men. Corneau argues that all men live in a kind of hereditary silence and that we fear that any man who speaks out about pain is a threat to male solidarity. The result of not speaking out is that men suffer alone and in silence, and the pain gets channeled in other directions; as Corneau points out, men far outnumber women in the prison systems. Corneau argues that for a man "to not have a father is to not have a backbone," and that the resulting lack of structure often results in anti-social behavior; men with absent fathers (emotionally absent will suffice) often turn to what Corgneau terms the "dark father complex," the clinging to extreme and often violence-based models of masculinity (such is the case with men who join gangs, etc.).
Two things that I found very interesting: Corneau argues that men who have not felt close enough to their fathers, will often be insecure in their sexuality and this will often result in them becoming "seducers"; the logic being that if they seduce enough women, and appear in the eyes of society to be "studs," then they will make up for the emptiness and insecurity they feel from never having been "confirmed" by their fathers, i.e., never having felt that their fathers accepted them as men. Corneau says that often when a man thinks he is running low on women, he is actually running low on men. Another fascinating thing is that Corneau argues that "seducer" men are often highly sensitive men who refuse to acknowledge and accept their sensitivity. These issues are described in my favorite chapter of the book, where the author discusses the various roles men find themselves in: the Hero, the Good Boy, the Eternal Adolescent, the Male Feminist, the Seducer, and the Homosexual. Corneau takes us through each of these roles and describes them step-by-step. Corneau argues that homosexual men are often obeying the unspoken command that they should never belong to any woman but their mother.
This book has been extraordinarily helpful for me for years now. I don't know where I'd be without this book. I would like to meet the author and shake his hand. ABSENT FATHERS, LOST SONS has helped me come to terms with myself, understand myself, and realize that I am not alone; many men suffer from the pain of not having felt close enough to their fathers. This book presents a somewhat revolutionary idea for this day and age: that fathers *are* important.
Rating: 5
Summary: Very Important book!
Comment: I must say that I found this book VERY important in my own life. It is almost chilling in it's description of the crisis in masculine identity. At times I have found this book difficult to read simply because it gets so deep it is almost scary.... Indeed, this book has been so transforming and thought provoking for me that I am only half way through it and have had to put it down and take a break. I highly recommend this book to anyone interesting in coming to terms with the current crisis in masculine identity. Although it has at times been difficult to read, because of this book I now feel much more centered and at peace with my masculinity than ever before.
Rating: 1
Summary: It may be a trigger, otherwise very shallow
Comment: If you are in search of aknowledgement for the way you feel, read it. It may trigger you to set you on a path of further development. This 'trigger function' is about the only value of the book. If you are on a path and have done some work on yourself already, it's a waste of money and time. Hypothesis is stacked upon hypothesis, no sound argumentation is given, it creates confusion and fails to give directions for possible solutions. In one word: shallow. And (being a copywriter myself) I must say: research and writing is very poor.
PS: I opted for no star, but one is the minimum.
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Title: Mothers, Sons, and Lovers by Michael Gurian ISBN: 0877739455 Publisher: Shambhala Pub. Date: 23 November, 1993 List Price(USD): $19.95 |
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Title: Finding Our Fathers : How a Man's Life Is Shaped by His Relationship with His Father by Samuel Osherson, Stephan B. Poulter ISBN: 0809293307 Publisher: McGraw-Hill/Contemporary Books Pub. Date: 08 May, 2001 List Price(USD): $14.95 |
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Title: The Prince and the King: Healing the Father-Son Wound: A Guided Journey of Initiation by Michael Gurian, Robert Moore, Douglas Gillette ISBN: 0874777429 Publisher: J. P. Tarcher Pub. Date: September, 1993 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
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Title: Fire in the Belly : On Being a Man by Sam Keen ISBN: 0553351370 Publisher: Bantam Pub. Date: 01 March, 1992 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
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Title: Lessons in Love: The Transformation of Spirit Through Intimacy by Guy Corneau, Nanette Bilodeau ISBN: 0805063978 Publisher: Owl Books Pub. Date: February, 2000 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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