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Title: The Smart Step-Family: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family by Ron L. Deal ISBN: 0-7642-2657-6 Publisher: Bethany House Pub. Date: October, 2002 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $16.99 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.6 (5 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: TheStepfamilyLife - Review of The Smart Step-Family
Comment: One of the wedding gifts that I've enjoyed tremendously is a crockpot from my cousin with an accompanying cookbook. Being clueless about meat preparation and marrying into a family of carnivores, it didn't take me long to christen the crockpot my favorite kitchen appliance. I can just throw a few things in there to make a nice dinner and it even makes the house smell wonderful. I've enjoyed reading a book this month that uses a metaphor about slow cookers to teach readers how to "cook" their stepfamily. It's a helpful visualization to understand how it takes both time and patience.
The book I'm talking about is "The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Stepfamily by Ron L. Deal and published by Bethany House Publishers in 2002. Written from a Christian perspective, this book is built around seven themes. It encourages stepfamilies to discover a redemptive God who loves, forgives and is with them on their journey into stepfamily-hood. Adjusting your expectations is the key focus of the chapter with the slow cooker metaphor, helping readers understand that creating a stepfamily takes time and low heat.
Placing your marriage as a top-priority, is a key tenet with Deal, and he advises stepfamilies to understand that parents and stepparents have different roles to live out and not to force people into old nuclear family roles who are not comfortable in them. The section on common pitfalls has advice on loss and grief, the already looming holidays, family meetings and finances. A chapter with questions posed by real stepfamilies features advice from a variety of family counselors.
Discussion questions at the end of each chapter are segmented for already-married couples and premarital counseling. The section at the back of the book on stepfamily ministry for churches is an excellent start at helping churches be more sensitive to stepfamily needs and is long overdue (as a side note-our church was so confused about our relationships to each other that they still mail two sets of newsletters to our house). An excellent reference section and a sample form you can use to authorize medical treatment of your stepchildren round out the book.
Deal has a great website loaded with advice and articles (plus several products) at www.successfulstepfamilies.com that will help anyone trying to make a go of a stepfamily.
I was pleasantly surprised to discover that he even reads his email and writes back to his readers. I wrote to thank him for writing such a great book and posed a tricky question I've been wrestling with in my own family situation. His response was both speedy and thoughtful, so I encourage you to check out his articles and his book.
Rating: 5
Summary: Don't remarry without this!
Comment: Three months before my remarriage into a step-family, a friend suggested I read this. I grew up in a step family and figured I could manage just fine. It's a good thing I read the book. My whole perspective and expectations of being a step father have completely changed. Quite honestly, I have had to toss out all my inaccurate expectations and start over. The marriage is coming soon and I now know what to and not to expect. What a tragedy it would have been hurt my future wife and kids with my ignorance. The author is straight forward and deadly accurate. It is from a Christian perspective, and that's exactly what I was looking for.
Rating: 5
Summary: Can't say enough good things...
Comment: If you want to feel empowered, inspired, comforted and renewed about your steplife, read this book. In his straightforward and calming manner, author Ron Deal brings hope and healing into a stepparent's life in this easy-to-follow volume based on Christian principles. For the stepparent-to-be, the new stepparent or the veteran, this book is a lighthouse in a stormy world, reassuring us that we can find our way.
Right from the introduction, the overwhelmed reader breathes a sigh of relief and enjoys the reminder that there are, indeed, healthy stepfamilies out there, and having one is a real possibility. Deal gives us a deeply comforting and proactive approach to our steplives, zeroing in on the practical steps we can take right now. We're all willing to work hard for our families, but if we don't work on the right things, it won't matter. Work smarter, Deal says. That involves two things very much within our control: understanding stepfamily life and making intentional decisions about living that life.
Deal points out some "key stepping-stones" that we'll need every day. These attitudes and perspectives will enable us to overcome obstacles and take advantage of the opportunities around us. They include Spiritual Integrity, Listening and Understanding, Perseverance, Commitment, Patience, Flexibility and Humor. It sounds basic, but Deal shows us how to master these skills so that we can have a more healthy and peaceful life all around.
With strikingly appropriate Biblical parallels, Deal likens the steplife we all want to the Promised Land the Israelites found after years of wandering. May of us stepparents wander for years, too, often wanting to give up. Deal's reminder that God won't abandon us either is just the beginning of the comfort and inspiration this book offers.
Deal lays out the seven steps in the journey to the "Stepfamily Promised Land." Each one is clearly explained, and their presentation contributes to the book's message of encouragement and possibilities. Deal includes studies of a stepparent's expectations, how important the marriage is in the success of the family, parenting with former spouses and much more. You'll see yourself time and again in his words, and more importantly, you'll see how you can make positive contributions to your family, starting today.
The author includes stories of stepfamilies in trouble and stories of those who have made it to the Promised Land. Understanding that the journey is tough for others, too, gives the reader a sense of belonging, along with the impetus to step through the tough times because something good awaits.
Each chapter of the book includes questions and discussion topics to help couples understand each other's perspective and to guide them in making responsible and healthy decisions. Now that's working smarter.
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Title: Stepcoupling : Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family by Jennifer Green, Susan Wisdom ISBN: 0609807412 Publisher: Three Rivers Press Pub. Date: 26 February, 2002 List Price(USD): $12.95 |
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Title: God Breathes on Blended Families by Moe Becnel, Paige Becnel, Moe ISBN: 0967868009 Publisher: Healing Place Productions Pub. Date: 18 April, 2000 List Price(USD): $9.00 |
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Title: 7 Steps to Bonding with Your Stepchild by Suzen J. Ziegahn ISBN: 0312253656 Publisher: Golden Guides from St. Martin's Press Pub. Date: 09 March, 2001 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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Title: Family Rules : Helping Stepfamilies and Single Parents Build Happy Homes by Jeannette Lofas ISBN: 157566352X Publisher: Kensington Pub Corp Pub. Date: November, 1998 List Price(USD): $12.00 |
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Title: Keys to Successful Stepfathering (Barron's Parenting Keys) by Carl E. Pickhardt ISBN: 0812097157 Publisher: Barrons Educational Series Pub. Date: January, 1997 List Price(USD): $7.95 |
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