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Title: Difficult Child by Stanley Turecki, Leslie Tonner, Stella Chess ISBN: 0-553-05222-5 Publisher: Bantam Books Pub. Date: September, 1985 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $16.95 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.35 (23 reviews)
Rating: 3
Summary: Difficult Behavior or Difficult Child?
Comment: I purchased this book after I received a call from the administration at my child's daycare requesting a parent teacher conference due to my 2 and a half year olds behavior. I read the book attentively but found that according to the author's definitions of a difficult child, there is not one child I have met who is not difficult. In addition, I found the title of the book disturbing. Not exactly the type of book to carry around in your purse for a quick read at the park while your child is using the swings. Not only that, but the label "difficult child" is rather disconcerting to the children that are indeed "difficult". I much prefer the book 1-2-3 Magic over this one because it addresses difficult behavior rather than difficult children. In addition, a difficult baby does not always mean a difficult child and vice versa as the author contends. If you're looking to catagorize your child as inherently difficult, than this is the book for you as all children will find a place in it. If you're looking to manage difficult behavior, I don't know if the strategies described by the author are necessarily the most effective.
Rating: 5
Summary: The Nuked Family
Comment: I ordered this book because I work with autistic children, and I was curious to see what kind of advice was being given to parents of difficult children; many mildly autistic children are not diagnosed until they are in school and are referred for testing for learning disabilities.
The one error Dr. Turecki makes is in assuring parents a little too strongly that difficult children are normal children with irratic temperaments. In my experience, children with Asperger's Syndrome, Tourette's Syndrome, and mild hearing impairments are frequently misdiagnosed as ADHD, or not diagnosed at all.
I realize that the purpose of the book it to provide advice, and moreover reassurance for parents with difficult children, and Dr. Turecki may have considered including a chapter on easily misdiagnosed disabilities, abandoning the idea for fear that it would worry parents.
Moreover, much of the advice in the book would help parents locked into circular behavior patterns even with children who have mild disabilities.
Turecki has much insight into a child's perception of the world, and he reminds parents of many of the feelings they once had, but have long ago forgotten: what it was like to wait interminably in a store in line, not knowing the reason, and too small to see over the display counters, for example. Turecki discusses children's perceptions of many common situations, and goes on to explain that these situations are even more difficult for a child who is especially active, oversensitive to smells or temperatures, afraid of crowds, or not predictable in appetite or bathroom habits.
In an engaging narrative voice, Turecki lays out different factors of temperament, and catagorizes children according to the areas in which each seems to be overly, or under sensitive. Some children just CAN'T sit still; it's their nature. If the same child is overwhelmed by smells, and frightened by new places, a trip to an unfamiliar restaurant is likely to be a disaster, and it might be better to leave the child with a sitter.
Turecki does not place blame anywhere: he simply acknowledges that this is the child's temperament (a word he uses frequently). It is not the child's fault. He is not misbehaving on purpose to "get" his parents -- much as they may feel so. He is not whining to get his way.
On the other hand, this is not the parents' fault when other people look at them, or ask why they can't control their child, the answer is that the child is very difficult. Almost ad infinitem, Turecki pours reassurance over the parents of difficult children. He borrows a term already in use, and refers in quotes to he most difficult "mother-killers." He tells the mothers of these children, "Yes, you do work harder; no you don't get the same 'pay-off' other parents get, and it's not fair."
But them after analysis, he offers several chapters of creative solutions for dealing effectively with these children, and lowering the stress and tension in the house, as well as quelling the covert message to the child that he is the cause of the problems. These are set out in an easy to follow 6 chapter program. The parent may not see progress immediately (or might; the program looks very effective), but just knowing that a program is being followed, and having the book to turn to will be reassuring to many parents. Even if the child is not yet showing progress, the parents will know they are doing something, and that alone may give them some personal relief.
Rating: 2
Summary: Easy answers to hard questions
Comment: This book would be a useful resource for any parent planning to run a residential school for troubled children, because many of the suggested solutions would fit that paradigm.
The chapters discussing temperment, fit, and how we feed into our childrens' behavior might be useful for a parent at the end of their rope or one simply curious about their child.
Before you think that Dr. Turecki has solutions for your particular situation, be very sure that you want to define what behaviors you want to see from your child, craft a plan to reward based on those behaviors, and then follow through with consequences you make up. Sounds like regular parenting? Nope. It's based on a token economy model -- just like your local mental hospital!
There are good ways to relate to difficult children. Reading other books on the subject, making connections to good parents who will let you vent and give experience-based advice, and taking lots of deep breaths would probably be time better spent than in the company of these authors.
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