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The Love They Lost: Living With the Legacy of Our Parents' Divorce

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Title: The Love They Lost: Living With the Legacy of Our Parents' Divorce
by Stephanie Staal
ISBN: 0-385-33410-9
Publisher: Delta
Pub. Date: 04 September, 2001
Format: Paperback
Volumes: 1
List Price(USD): $13.95
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Average Customer Rating: 4.89 (9 reviews)

Customer Reviews

Rating: 5
Summary: I Found Myself in this Book...I highly recommend!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment: This is the most amazing book I have ever read. I highly recommend this book to everyone! I had to buy the book for a few of my friends, who are children of divorce. It allowed me to understand the way I am, and why I handle myself the way I do, when it comes to relationships. At the time of my parents divorce, I had to be strong and was a little adult and grew up too fast because of it. Yet I dealt with it and moved on. Yet I never realized that in later years the impact of the divorce would paralyze my future relationships. This book put into perspective of why I have felt the way I did, and that I am not alone.

Rating: 5
Summary: Thank you for giving us a voice!
Comment: I'm so glad I found this book! For a long time I have been trying to figure out how my parents' divorce 25 years ago has affected me. The stories in this book and the author's insight gave me a comforting "legitimacy" for my feelings and helped me to verbalize them. It made me realize that I'm not alone. Staal discusses many issues that arise during and after parents divorce, like how money is often equated with love, how all family relationships change, how the history of a family is revised. She describes why many adult children of divorce usually show three different types of behavior in their romantic relationships: "the nester," "the wary investor" and the "commitment-phobe." Immediately after finishing the last page, I ordered copies for my mother, my father, and my sister with the hope that we can start to talk more openly about what happened in our family. I don't usually buy self-help books, but this book isn't like that. It's beautifully written. The author includes her own emotions and personal experiences from her parents' divorce, and some of her memories were so sad, I cried. I never felt like she was preaching or telling me there was something wrong with me. Rather, I felt like I was talking to a good friend who could understand where I was coming from. Within the pages of this book, I read passages that could have come from my own journal. I heard my own voice. It is a must read for all adult children of divorce - or anyone whose life has been touched by divorce.

Rating: 5
Summary: Exactly what I needed to hear.
Comment: I bought this book as a divorcing mother trying to help my children through this as easily as possible. Seeing the results and lasting effects of some of mine and my ex's actions has helped me hold onto my resolve to avoid subjecting them to constant conflict as much as possible.

I highly recommend this book to divorcing parents as well as children of divorce. It's like having a crystal ball and being able to see some of the effect you might be having on your children while going through this difficult time. It also gave me insight into what my kids might be going through but not willing or able to share.

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