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Title: Good Divorce, The by Constance Ahrons ISBN: 0060926341 Publisher: HarperCollins Pub. Date: 1998 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 3.86
Rating: 1
Summary: This book is destructive to families
Comment: I caught my wife in an affair. She filed for divorce. I convinced her to try therapy and we saw a therapist. Before the therapist even met with me alone, she recommended my wife read this book. I found it at home and read it. I was outraged because the book was complete trash. I totally agree with some other readers that the book offers nothing except relief from guilt for breaking up a marriage and family; and that the author's purpose for writing the book was to justify her own actions in leaving her husband and hurting her daughter in the process. Read her daughter's school essay near the end of the book where she states something like "I wouldn't wish divorce on any family, but I can see where I have grown in some ways because of it." The author actually interprets that as her daughter saying, "Mom, it's OK. Yes, I suffered from your leaving Dad, but boy-howdy did it make me a stronger person. Gee, thanks, Mom! You did the right thing!" The author falls back on Darwin-inspired ideas like this (I'll paraphrase): "Society has changed, and marriage has adapted to survive these changes. Before we had the nuclear family, now marriage has evolved to the binuclear family." She thinks that by giving divorce a fancy scientific-sounding label like "binuclear family" that it gains legitimacy. You know, if my wife (now ex-wife) had not been able to surround herself with two or three so-called friends who were divorce proponents, and this lousy book, we might have had a fighting chance of reconciling our marriage. And my children, our extended families (both sides), and I wouldn't be hurting so terribly now. I can't blame everything on this book, obviously, but it was certainly not helpful, and probably harmful.
Rating: 5
Summary: Moving on
Comment: This book helped me move from being stuck in fear of living without my marriage to seeing possibility for my future. Change is always difficult. This book made me see this family change in a new and healthy way. I recommend The Good Divorce to anyone who is having a hard time accepting the end of a marriage.
Rating: 5
Summary: our first step as intelligent coparents
Comment: I found this book in the esteemed Bank Street educational bookstore in Manhattan and it became the first ray of hope during the dark early months of separation. My coparent and I started experiencing our disentangling as an organic shift in our ONGOING relationship, and expressing our continued commitment to each other in affirmative and reaffirming terms. This allowed us to give our son the language and story-telling he needed to feel has HAS a family -- it's simply a differently shaped one. In the intervening two years, our friendship as coparents has continued to thrive as we began tentative steps into new relationships, and as we set up rules and rituals in two households. Ahrons got us started.
This book explains the sampling issues relevant to debunking Wallenstein. And as a person with an A.B. in anthropology from Harvard, I can tell you that Ahrons sampling methods look pretty good. And her use of positive applicable metaphors to create constructive problem-solving is innovatively brilliant.
This is the nice, smart-peoples' divorce book. Forward-looking. Our family relationships today ARE (societally-speaking) often "differently shaped." Ahrons helps us start to deal with that and grow from that base. For our childrens' sake AND our own. Families where one person is dying don't work.
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Title: Mom's House, Dad's House: Making Two Homes for Your Child by Isolina Ricci ISBN: 0684830787 Publisher: Fireside Pub. Date: November, 1997 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Vicki Lansky's Divorce Book for Parents: Helping Your Children Cope With Divorce and Its Aftermath by Vicki Lansky ISBN: 0916773485 Publisher: Book Peddlers Pub. Date: March, 1996 List Price(USD): $6.99 |
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Title: Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way by M. Gary Neuman, Patricia Romanowski, Sandra Blakeslee, Judith S. Wallerstein ISBN: 0679778012 Publisher: Random House Pub. Date: 01 August, 1999 List Price(USD): $16.95 |
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Title: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-By-Step Guide to Helping You Decide Whether to Stay in or Get Out of Your Relationship by Mira Kirshenbaum ISBN: 0452275350 Publisher: Plume Pub. Date: July, 1997 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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Title: Families Apart: Ten Keys to Successful Co-Parenting by Melinda Blau, Melinda Blaw ISBN: 039952150X Publisher: Perigee Pub. Date: January, 1995 List Price(USD): $13.95 |
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