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Title: Love Is Never Enough : How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstandings, Resolve Conflicts, and Solve by Aaron T. Beck ISBN: 0-06-091604-4 Publisher: Perennial Pub. Date: 18 October, 1989 Format: Paperback Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 5 (4 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: It really gives us ground for changes
Comment: The book is interesting and addresses effectively most communication difficulty between couples.
I would recomment this book to anyone who wants to build a mature and long lasting relationship, as it gives light to important aspects that we many times forget.
Its content gave me more wisdom to understand human relations, and is helping me on my daily life.
Rating: 5
Summary: cheesy title does not befit this masterpiece
Comment: i'm not even finished the book, and already i can tell you that it addresses pretty much every communication difficulty between _anyone_; its focus is on love relationships, which, as Dr Beck explains, are set to a higher standard of expectation from one's partner, and therefore higher stakes & penalties when one's unspoken rules of the companionship & its roles are broken.
if you wonder why you're always irritated with your partner, or get into quick, snapping arguments, this book steps you through the automatic thoughts that come into each party's mind when they participate in what _seems_ to be a simple dialogue or request, but denigrates into conflict. it also explains why situations escalate into pinnacles of unreasonableness, and how to defuse these patterns.
pretty much every reasoning/communication error that takes place in close relationships is spelled out in black and white-- and backed by clinical approach in psychiatric science, not gimmicky pseudoscience... this takes the stereotyping out of the seeming impossibility of martian men and venusian women getting along-- Dr Beck simply illustrates, painting very clear pictures in 18 tidy chapters, those human characteristics that misfire or go awry when dealing with loved ones.
he gives theories where all this static comes from, offering ideas of where to look in your own thinking, such as: differing frames of reference, upbringing (pattern / modelling of one's parents), unstated expectations, all/nothing thinking, and unknown (to oneself) sensitive issues that cause a person to react to others' actions/words out of fear or anger.
the most heartening bit is his assertion that just one person in the couple working to solve problems in this way can give relief. this is due to the fact that by changing your strategy in arguments & discussions, you improve the kinds of responses elicted by your partner as well.
2 additional reasons why i feel that Dr Beck's book is valuable: firstly, he is a respected authority on cognitive behaviour therapy (its founder, no less!), and secondly, that he provided couples counselling based on the theories outlined in this book. in other words, he's an scientific expert. i don't want to claim "buy this book!!! throw away all the rest!!!", as those lurid advertisements are frequently used on undeserving books that aren't very helpful, nor useful in piercing the complexities in understanding human emotion. (having said that, this book is excellent, and you really ought to check it out).
this book brings people together under one banner. it does not play inherent gender differences off on one another. you will be able to raise your understanding of others by a significant amount, and look inwardly to find out the nature and name of those buttons that your partner may press.
"Take your life into your own hands, and what happens. A terrible thing: no one to blame." --Erica Jong
Rating: 5
Summary: Forget the pop-psych blockbusters; this is the real deal
Comment: Cognitive therapy is based on the premise that emotions come out of unexamined, habituated thought reactions. These thoughts and the emotions they foster can be deconstructed and, hence, defused of their power to poison all human interactions, not just those between wife and husband. A brilliant book--unpretentious, well-written, truly helpful. The astute reader will see all sorts of parallels to contemporary linguistic theory. Do yourself a favor: throw all your New Age psychobabble books in the garbage and read Dr. Beck.
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Title: Feeling Good : The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns ISBN: 0380810336 Publisher: Avon Pub. Date: 05 October, 1999 List Price(USD): $7.99 |
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Title: Intimate Connections by David D., M.D. Burns ISBN: 0451148452 Publisher: New American Library Pub. Date: October, 1986 List Price(USD): $6.99 |
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Title: The Feeling Good Handbook by David D. Burns ISBN: 0452281326 Publisher: Plume Pub. Date: December, 1999 List Price(USD): $17.95 |
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Title: Prisoners of Hate : The Cognitive Basis of Anger, Hostility, and Violence by Aaron T. Beck ISBN: 0060932007 Publisher: Perennial Pub. Date: 01 September, 2000 List Price(USD): $14.00 |
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Title: Ten Days to Self-Esteem by David D. Burns ISBN: 0688094554 Publisher: Quill Pub. Date: 07 April, 1999 List Price(USD): $15.95 |
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