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Title: Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex by Richard A. Warshak ISBN: 0-06-018899-5 Publisher: Regan Books Pub. Date: 08 January, 2002 Format: Hardcover Volumes: 1 List Price(USD): $20.00 |
Average Customer Rating: 4.94 (18 reviews)
Rating: 5
Summary: With Thanks from a Mother Affected by PAS
Comment: I read Divorce Poison in two nights. It's very easy reading which is credit to Dr. Warshak as this is not an easy topic to address. The book is compassionate, yet honest and truthful. Pros and cons for dealing with parential alienation syndrome are mentioned which is particularly helpful in trying to determine if one's response to the situation is positive or negative, helpful or more hurtful. The last chapter of the book entitled "Letting Go" was very sad and moved me to tears. Read this book for insights, inspiration, and the courage to do what's best for your children. Dr. Warshak cares. His book should be in every divorced person's library.
Rating: 5
Summary: If you only read one book this year, make it this one
Comment: Divorce Poison If you only read one book this year, make it this one! "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard Warshak bucks conventional wisdom to say nothing to your children in the face of the other parent's "Bad-Mouthing, Bashing, and Brainwashing" otherwise known as "Divorce Poison" or Parental Alienation Syndrom-PAS. "Most books for divorced parents admonish them not to place children in the middle of their conflicts. But they provide little guidancce on when it is appropriate to crititcize a parent to a child and when it is destructive." He discusses "the systematic process of psychological manipulation and how to help children resist and reverse its influence" in a practical hands-on way. He explains why reasoning and telling children outright that they are being brainwashed don't work.
He goes on to explain that there are varying degrees of alienation. That in most cases "does not sever the tie between parents and children, but it does taint the quality of their relationship. It creates unnecessary tension for the children and more conflict in their relationship with both parents. The tension and conflict may result in children who are more withdrawn and reluctant to discuss their thoughts and feelings, or children who have less respect for their parents' authority." I think he hit the nail right on the head with what MANY of us at SWC.COM are experiencing with that statement.
He doesn't claim to have all the anwers, he considers the book a "work in progess" based on the many years of insights and experiences in his practice. Although full of practical explanations and advice, he does caution the reader that "You have the best chance of success if you follow this advice under the guidance of a competent therapist who understands the problems of alienated children" and goes on to offer lists of resources and how to chose a therapist.
The only negative thing I can say about the book is that I thought in the beginning he listed more examples of cases where the PASing parent was the father instead of the BM. But half-way through the book, I was able to put that aside because the explanations and advice helped me make so much more sense out of my own situation. I thought he did an excellent job of explaining how to help your kid and not feel so helpless and frustrated. And for those extreme cases where salvaging the relationship with one's PAS'd children is just not possible, he talks about how to let go while leaving the door open to a future relationship.
Review by: - secondwivesclub.com
Rating: 5
Summary: Good Help Dealing With a Manipulative Ex
Comment: After reading this book, my only complaint was that it spoke to those with an income who can afford an attorney and one to several therapists. This may be okay for those with such an income, but for the rest of us, that option is not approachable.
typically, it is the mother who is granted full legal and physical custody, and it is the father who is left to pay child support and medical expenses. Few of us fathers have the financial resources to hire a good attorney, let alone a therapist.
The author does a good job of addressing the issue of alienation. Because visitation time is usually so limited, there is ample time for a vindictive ex, who spends the most amount of time with the children, to blatantly or subtly turn the children against the other parent. The author does a good job of giving the parent the skills to stop the process of alienation. This book is a must read.
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